Hold the Forevers

“That’s not a good argument.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You would have been sneakier if you’d wanted to hide it, isn’t a good answer. I don’t fucking trust him. He’s doing this on purpose.”

“God,” I said with a shake of my head. “This is why I didn’t tell you! You’re blowing the whole thing out of proportion.”

“No, I’m not,” he insisted. “I remember when I ran into you when you were dating him.”

I took a step back. “Are you seriously doing this right now? Are you trying to say that I’m going to cheat on you? Are you equating a five-minute conversation at a coffee shop with New Orleans? Because this isn’t that, and I can’t even believe you’d say that.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Maybe say what you do mean.”

Cole stomped back to the pasta to keep it from boiling over … just like him. He took a minute before facing me again. “I don’t fucking trust him, Lila.”

“You don’t have to trust him. Just trust me.”

“He was in that coffee shop on purpose!”

I sighed and dropped my head back. “How would he know that I’d be there? I didn’t even know that I was going to be there.”

“I don’t know. But fuck, Lila …” Cole abandoned the pasta and stepped back to me. The fire had died in his eyes. His easily riled anger replaced by fear. He put his hands on my jaw and tilted my head up to meet him. “I’d feel better if you blocked his number.”

I swallowed and nodded. “All right. But nothing happened, and it’s not going to.”

“I know,” he said, dipping down to kiss my lips. “I’d still feel better if he couldn’t reach out to you.”

I bit my lip as he served up the pasta. I stared down at the messages on my phone. I flipped it to silent. And another message came in.

Maybe we could meet up again.

I sighed heavily and stepped away from Cole. He was right. Ash knew I liked that coffee shop. Even if he hadn’t planned to be there when I was, he’d gone there because he knew I frequented it. I should cut him out of my life. But I felt as sick about it as the time Ash had commanded me to never see Cole again.

I sent back a quick response to let him know I was going dark.

We can’t meet up. You shouldn’t send me any more messages.

He responded almost instantly.

Why not? Get in trouble?

Stop it.

I miss you, Lila. I don’t care about our past. I don’t care about any of it. I love you. You can’t say that you don’t feel the same. No matter who you’re with now.

This is why we’re not talking.

That wasn’t a denial.

Good-bye, Ash.

I deleted all the messages. My finger hovered over the Block button, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to push the button.

Never good-bye. Only until next time.

I deleted that message, too, and told myself that was good enough. Not responding anymore was enough. It was.

32

Atlanta

November 19, 2016

Marley arrived early to pick me up for her awards ceremony. Thankfully, I’d known Marley nearly my entire life. So, I’d anticipated her telling me to be ready by six when, in actuality, she’d show up at five forty-five.

“I’ll get it,” Cole said.

He disappeared to answer the front door as I put on my favorite pair of black high heels. I stuffed my phone in a tiny purse, double-checked my cherry-red lipstick, and then went to meet my best friend.

“No, don’t do that,” Marley said to Cole. “I don’t need any congratulations. The whole thing is embarrassing.”

“It’s embarrassing to win an award for your achievements?” Cole asked.

“Yes!”

“Don’t try to talk sense into her,” I told Cole. “That’s why I’m going to be there. So she actually gets onstage to accept the damn thing.”

“It’s a lot of pomp for something that isn’t that important.”

I rolled my eyes. “Agree to disagree, Mars. You’re a genius, and you should allow people to lavish you with praise.”

Marley crossed her arms over her black party dress. “Maybe we don’t have to go.”

Cole went for the door. “No way. You’re going, and you’re going to tell me all about it when you get back.”

Marley sighed heavily. “Fine. Come on, Lila. Let’s get this thing over with.”

I kissed Cole good-bye. “Have fun at Michael’s bachelor party tonight but not too much fun.”

He snagged another kiss. “I’ll miss you the whole time.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too. Have fun with Mars.”

“Will do,” I said as I followed Marley out.

We drove my car into town, and she was nervous and fidgety the entire ride to the Hyatt Regency in Midtown. There was nothing I could do or say that would get her to relax. When we arrived, I insisted on a valet over her protests so that we could just walk inside for the event. The last thing I wanted to do was park and have Marley second-guess herself again.