Hold the Forevers

“Ready?” Kristen’s mom asked everyone. She was a wedding planner by trade and had taken on the task of her daughter’s wedding with glee.

“We’re ready, Mom,” Kristen said.

“Okay. And go.”

I was at the end of the long line of Kristen’s bridal party. Behind her two sisters, three friends, Hong Min’s sister, and an aunt. The entire thing was quite an affair with eight bridesmaids, eight groomsmen, four flower girls, three ring bearers, and two dogs. But it was perfectly Kristen. Huge, elaborate, and far from traditional.

I held my breath as I took the first step down the aisle. My eyes scanned the room. It was a large, open-air chapel in the Tennessee mountains. Large enough to accommodate the two hundred and fifty people in attendance and not feel packed in like sardines.

But still, I could tell at a glance that Cole Davis wasn’t in attendance.

My heart sank.

It shouldn’t have.

I was getting married in a month.

But it still did.

Ash was away at his bachelor party this weekend. He’d wanted to come to the wedding, but this weekend was the only time that Tanner could plan the bachelor party. I waved him off and told him to have a good time. There was a look in his eyes when I left for Nashville, the day before he jetted off to Vegas. Worry. He knew Kristen was my and Cole’s mutual friend. But he’d gone. He trusted me.

And here I was, disappointed that Cole wasn’t here.

Fuck.

I shook off the lingering disappointment and focused on the ceremony. I actually couldn’t see much of it, being at the end of the line, but it sounded beautiful. There was a whole section in both Thai and Vietnamese for their extended family. A proclamation that I couldn’t understand but also somehow understood perfectly. They declared their love in their family’s native tongues. A stunning display that brought tears to everyone’s eyes.

The pastor returned to English for the end of the ceremony. “And I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Hong Min stepped forward, pulling Kristen into his arms, and kissed his new bride. Everyone cheered from the audience. I applauded from my spot as a bridesmaid, smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt.

Their exit music began, and they danced merrily down the aisle, all preceding me out of the room. I headed back down the aisle. Even though I knew Cole wasn’t here, I couldn’t stop looking. Hoping.

I hadn’t wanted to have this conversation. It was the coward’s way out to not even tell him that I was engaged. But I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t know if I could survive hearing his fury. Or worse … him convincing me otherwise.

I wasn’t naive enough not to know that what worked so well between me and Ash this time around was my avoidance of the elephant in the room. It was better if Cole was out of sight, out of mind. So much easier if I didn’t have to love him so acutely.

As I stepped out into the Tennessee summer heat, I inhaled sharply. Feeling like I could breathe for the first time. I didn’t have to have this conversation. I didn’t have to have the impending showdown. The anxiety had been a weight on my shoulders, and it had been lifted.

“Congratulations!” I said, hugging Kristen when it was my turn.

She pulled me close. “I love you. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“I wish Cole had made it.”

I swallowed. “Me too.”

“He texted me right before we got lined up and said he couldn’t make it in. He was in Knoxville and thought he’d be done by now. I meant to tell you …”

“It’s okay. It’s your wedding day. Don’t even consider it! I’m just so happy for you.”

“Thank you. It was even better than I ever could have imagined.”

Kristen was whisked away by her groom and enormous family. I let her be. She hadn’t even needed to tell me about Cole, but that was Kristen. Ever the matchmaker. She was still bummed that it hadn’t ended up working out after she’d tried to get us back together in the first place.

I wandered back into the bridal suite while they took family pictures. I had a feeling that would take at least an hour, and I wanted a drink as I waited. I poured myself a glass of champagne, reaching for my phone.

I had the drink halfway to my lips when I saw that Kristen wasn’t the only one who had gotten a text from Cole.

Sorry I couldn’t make it today. I was looking forward to seeing you, sunflower. I’ll be back in Atlanta next month. Can we get a drink?

My stomach tightened. Next month.

Next month, I was getting married.

I couldn’t see him.

I wanted to see him.

But I knew that I couldn’t.

I didn’t plan on repeating my worst mistake. As much as I wanted to see him, I didn’t trust myself around him. It wouldn’t be fair to Ash.