Hold the Forevers

So, I shut off my phone without answering, downed my glass of champagne, and went back out to the party.

Kristen and Hong Min made their grand exit, a horse-drawn carriage and all. Then I got into the first ride back to the hotel and was ready to crash. Even though a few of the guys kept insisting that I come with them to the hotel bar. I was definitely too drunk for that. I’d already scandalized some elderly family members with my dance moves, and I had an early flight. Probably best to just crash.

“No, no, I’m good,” I told Michael. “Go have fun. I’m too drunk.”

“Ah, you’re no fun, Greer,” he teased.

“I’m so lame, I swear.” I giggled and backed into the elevator. “Have fun.”

As the doors shut between us, I waved and then slumped back against the wall, relieved. Maybe I should have insisted that Ash come with me. Weddings were not as much fun, alone.

I stumbled into my hotel room, kicking off my heels on the way. My feet ached. I wanted to lie on my bed with my feet against the headboard to get circulation back into them, like I used to do with Channing in college, but the room was spinning, and lying down was starting to sound like a bad idea. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and guzzled the entire thing, swallowing it down with some Tylenol.

I collapsed back on the bed just as my phone rang. Those assholes were probably trying to convince me to come back down to the bar. If I felt this bad right now, I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel if I went back out.

“Hello?” I said, answering the phone.

“Lila.”

“Cole,” I gasped as if I had been thrown into ice-cold water.

“Hey. You sound drunk.”

“I am drunk.”

“Good party?”

“Yes.”

“I decided to say fuck it and drive into Nashville.”

My jaw hung open, but I said nothing.

He continued in earnest, “Thought I could surprise everyone. I texted Kristen, and she and Hong Min are going to come down to party some more.”

“Oh.”

“I just pulled into the hotel.”

My mouth went dry. “Oh.”

“Say something, Lila.”

“I’m already in bed.”

“That’s not a problem,” he said softly.

“I have an early flight.”

He sighed. “It’s one drink.”

I laughed softly. “I’ve heard that before.”

“I want to talk to you. I’ve had an interesting year. Let me tell you all about it.”

Oh, he’d had an interesting year, huh?

One drink. One drink to tell me all about his interesting year. How I wished it were that easy. But it never had been, had it? I’d known what could happen when I had that one drink with him in New Orleans all those years ago. I hadn’t been able to pull away from him, and I’d ended up hurting everyone. That was my mistake. I couldn’t regret where it had led us. I couldn’t regret any time spent with Cole. But I didn’t want to do it again.

And there were only two options for what would happen if I went downstairs:

We’d fight like cats and dogs. Scream at each other. Hate each other for the ring on my finger.

Or we’d fuck.

That was it.

Neither option was preferable. The fighting would be terrible. I already knew what he’d say about me marrying Ash. I didn’t have to hear him say it. I didn’t have to second-guess my heart. I already knew how I felt about Ash. I already knew how I felt about Cole. I was in love with them. Both of them. If I saw Cole, he’d know. He’d know exactly how I felt.

But I’d made a choice.

I’d made a commitment.

Ash had gotten down on one knee and proposed. I’d agreed.

That was all there was to it.

So, if we went with option two, I’d ruin everything. Again.

“I can’t,” I finally said.

“Lila …”

“I have to go actually.”

“Wait …”

But I didn’t wait. I hung up and threw my phone across the bed. I watched it light up again and again. Cole calling. Trying to get me to talk to him. But I couldn’t. I just … couldn’t.

I curled into a ball on my side and stared at the phone until it stopped lighting up. Then I cried.

I’d chosen.

But it didn’t make it any easier.

40

Rehearsal

June 14, 2019

“Okay, you’ll kiss,” Courtney said. “Do you need to practice that?”

The wedding party laughed at the wedding planner’s question. Ash and I joined in. He stepped forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. His eyes saying he wouldn’t be so gentle tomorrow. I smirked up at him.

“Excellent. Then Lila and Ash will walk back down the aisle to the music change. Each bridesmaid will partner up with a groomsman. Josie with Tanner. Marley with Derek. Once they pass you, the front row will follow them out. Mr. and Mrs. Talmadge will go first. Then, Ms. Greer will lead the rest of your family out. Any questions?”