I laughed quietly. “Jaxson, you know I don’t expect all-night sex marathons all the time.”
“But you like them,” he replied.
“I like sex with you, but if you came over and wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, I’d be good with that too. I like being with you.”
He was silent for a moment, and I let him ponder those words. He was used to one sort of relationship. One that was exactly what he described. Sex. Physical release and nothing else. He was still learning his way through quiet nights, moments spent in each other’s presence that were filled with conversation, laughter, soft moments of sharing.
“I like being with you as well,” he finally stated.
“Well, that’s a good thing.”
“This weekend,” he asked, “do you have plans?”
“No.”
“Good. We’re going away.”
“Away?”
“Well, sort of. That prize I won at Halloween was for a dinner and one-night stay at the new Bradford Hotel. Very luxurious. I added a second night, and we’re going. I upgraded to a suite.”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful.”
“You, me, and a whole lot of nakedness,” he teased.
“Even better.”
“Ah, the suites are on the top few floors. Thirty-five stories. I checked today—the elevators are big and bright. I’ll distract you. Are you up for that?”
His words and worry touched me. For a man who insisted he didn’t care for other people, he worried far too much about me.
“Yes. At least, I’ll try.”
“Okay. Friday morning, I’ll swing past your place and grab your bag. We can meet in the lobby of the hotel that afternoon.”
I hesitated and sighed. “Okay.”
“I don’t like it either, Gracie, but it has to be this way for now.”
“I know,” I agreed sadly. He was correct, but at times it hit me. The alternative, however, was far worse. I couldn’t imagine Jaxson not in my life.
He yawned, making me laugh.
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I’ll make it up,” he vowed seriously.
I wasn’t sure if he meant not being here or hiding our relationship. I didn’t ask either—it was late, and we were both tired.
“Goodnight, Jaxson.”
“Sweet dreams, Gracie.”
He hung up, and I stared at the phone. I hated the fact that our relationship was shrouded in secrecy. I knew why it was necessary, but I still disliked it.
We were always careful. At the office, we never arrived or left together. At meetings, we sat across from, not beside each other. I usually remained silent, speaking only when asked. I took copious notes for Jaxson and myself, using each meeting as a learning tool. Soaking up the language and nuances of the legal world. We never ate lunch together and kept all our interactions professional. He rarely closed the door when I was in his office so as not to alert Michael to anything.
When we ventured out together, we stuck to small places close to my apartment. We bought groceries and cooked at home. Jaxson loved to cook, and I enjoyed watching him in the kitchen. Precise, organized, and meticulous, he cooked the way he practiced law—with passion and drive. Part of me, the logical part, knew what we were doing was wrong. Sneaking around wasn’t the way a relationship worked. But the larger part of me, the part that was entwined with Jaxson, didn’t care. The Grace I thought I was fell away. He was all I saw. He was all I wanted. I didn’t think about my future, his unshared past, or how we got to where we were. All I wanted or needed was to be in his arms at the end of the day. To make love with him and lose myself. I never felt as much like me as when I was with him. He saw through my outward shell and into the real Grace. He knew my fears. He appreciated my intellect. He challenged me. Our discussions were lively and intelligent. He had a wicked sense of humor and made me laugh. I knew I helped him relax. To let him simply be Jaxson. Together, we somehow made sense. I couldn’t explain it. I had no idea how my friends and family would react to us as a couple. What my parents would think. Especially my overprotective father. It was hard hiding my feelings and relationship from him, but I knew that was a line I didn’t dare cross. Instead, I filled our weekly phone calls with what I had learned, funny stories about Michael, and if I mentioned going anywhere, I let my dad think it was with a girlfriend or alone.
A small part of me wondered if we would ever get to that stage of being open. If Jaxson would ever be comfortable enough, confident enough in us, to present our relationship to the world.
Although Jaxson encouraged me to ask questions, there were two that had never passed my lips. His past and our future.