"Owen, you don't have to come. You have obligations here," I said softly as we walked in the desert sun to the waiting jet. The red carpet was there once more, along with the stairs into the plane, but I didn't feel glamorous today. I just wanted to go home and forget that this trip ever happened.
"Kaylee, I can't in good conscience let you get on that airplane by yourself. You don't exactly do well on them." He smiled at me, but there was a tension around his eyes which I hadn't seen before. I boarded the airplane first, and I glanced back to see Owen standing at the first step, his gaze at the horizon. He was taking the scenery in as though he might never come back.
I buckled myself into the large leather recliner, settling in and taking some deep, calming breaths. This airplane wasn't as frightening this time, but I wasn't about to think that I could do this flying thing on a regular basis. Owen sat across from me, looking out the window and resting his hands on his knees. He looked mostly relaxed, save for the tension in his jawline.
I gave him a smile, though in all honesty it was only a curve of my lips since my heart wasn't in it. He mirrored my expression as I popped one of the pills from the previous flight into my mouth. I leaned back, focusing on my breathing and convincing myself that I could do this.
The plane started to rumble forward, the engines turning form a high-pitched whine into a solid roar as the wings met the wind. I could see Owen open up his laptop and begin banging on the keys, a frown across his face. I wondered just how much this little detour was screwing up his business dealings. He was supposed to be meeting with the sheik right now to discuss billions of dollars' worth of contracts, not getting on a plane to fly a terrified girl home.
My ears popped as we rose higher, and I took a deep breath, trying to keep my fear at bay. My body wanted to give into the terror, but I wasn't going to let it. The medication was starting to work itself into my system, making it easier to turn off the instinctual fear.
"Owen?"
He looked up for a moment, annoyed, before smoothing the lines of his face.
"Thank you." I gave him a small smile, hoping his edginess would subside. He smiled and ran his hand through his golden hair.
"Of course, Kaylee. You know I would do anything for you."
An awkward pause fell between us. I didn't know what to say. How could I thank him for possibly ruining a billion dollar contract because of me? Because of Roger, I quickly corrected myself. It wasn't my fault that I no longer felt safe in Dubai. Unfortunately, just because it wasn't my fault, didn't take away the guilty feeling.
There was a space growing between Owen and I that wasn't due to the position of the plane. He was angry about something, the way he banged on his keyboard, and
the flash in his eyes giving it away. I knew he wasn't mad at me but rather the situation. I wished for the millionth time that I could change how things had happened. I just wanted to go back to the way things used to be.
"Owen?" I asked, hoping to catch his attention. He made a noncommittal noise, but didn't look up. I didn't continue and instead just leaned my seat back. Something had changed about him, but I couldn't figure out what. The medicine was starting to make me drowsy, and since Owen didn't want to talk, I just let it overpower and carry me off to sleep.
Rain beat on the windows of the chauffeured town-car, smearing the lines of Des Moines into sad gray smudges. We drove by Gray's Lake and the crab-apple forest, but the blossoms were long gone. The lake was blocked by cement barriers displaying signs that the park was closed due to flooding. Over the softly playing radio, I could hear a weather report for yet more rain and increasing flooding throughout the area.
Owen and I sat on opposite sides of the vehicle. He hadn't said more than a word since we got off the airplane and into the car. We both knew that something we didn't want was going to happen. The flight had been painfully uncomfortable. Owen had focused on his work as we flew away from the thing he was trying to accomplish, the silence deafening. I appreciated that he was willing to drop everything for me, but I didn't want to ruin his dreams.
It wasn't even so much the leaving that was keeping us quiet; it was the fact that I would never go back. Rashid al-Saffar had too much influence in the region for me to ever feel safe there again. Unfortunately, that was exactly where Owen's job needed him to be. He would travel, and I would have to stay behind. It would be a long distance relationship that would never work. We both knew this was going to be the end, but we were trying to maintain the illusion of us as a couple for as long as possible.
The car pulled to a stop in the parking lot of my building. We sat silently, neither one of us really ready to say goodbye, but knowing it had to be done. The driver exited the car and started moving my suitcases toward my apartment. A small rumble of thunder echoed in the distance, breaking the silence.
"I can't live this lifestyle anymore, Owen. I love you, but I can't do this." The words trickled out with my tears. I didn't want to say them, but they needed to be said.
"There are other places in the world we can go," Owen replied halfheartedly. His dark blue eyes held an ocean of sadness. This wasn't how either of us wanted our relationship to end.
"No, Owen. No matter where we go, I would just end up resenting you, or you resenting me. I let myself get drawn into something I didn't want with my last boyfriend, and it nearly broke me. We have to be equals. We can compromise, but sometimes a person can compromise too much. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, but I have to stay true to myself. I'm sorry." I felt a hot tear leak out, burning as it slipped down my cheek.
Owen nodded slowly. "I understand." He reached out and wiped the tear from my face with his thumb, cradling my jaw in his hand. His eyes shone with tears as he leaned forward and kissed me softly. I closed my eyes and tried to put every detail of it into my memory. The way his lips were soft against mine, the taste of his skin, the warmth of his hand, the smell of his cologne. I mentally cataloged it, trying to secure it in my mind so I would forever remember it.
"I have to take care of some business, but I promise I'll be back." Owen's hand stayed on my cheek, even as he pulled away. I appreciated the lie. It made leaving the car easier. The driver had returned, shaking raindrops off his hat.
"Goodbye, Owen." I said it so softly I wasn't sure if he heard me. A single tear ran out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't move to brush it away.
"Goodbye, Kaylee," he whispered. I barely heard it as I bolted from the car. Thunder rolled in the distance as the car drove away, but all I could see was the rain.
Chapter 20
The next morning I woke to the soft sound of more rain on the roof. I lay in bed, staring at the dark ceiling, trying to fall back asleep but not having any success. My alarm clock told me it was only four in the morning. I groaned and tried to close my eyes one last time, but my body was convinced it was lunchtime and that I needed to get up. I realized that I hated jet lag with a passion.
I got up and walked into the kitchen, ready to start a pot of coffee and get something to eat. Halfway through the living room, I tripped on a laundry basket in the middle of the floor. After shouting swear words at the plastic hamper and threatening to melt it into sporks, I turned on a light and successfully navigated to my coffee pot. As I waited for the coffee to brew, I glanced around the small room. Even in the dim, pre-dawn light, it was a disaster area. Much like my life, I thought.
"I'm fixing this," I said aloud to no one. I started by putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher until the coffee pot sputtered to silence. It felt good to organize and put things away, trying to tame the mess that was my life. Mug in hand, I started to clean up my living room.
Three loads of laundry later, my house was spic-and-span again. I glanced around the room, smiling at how it felt more like home. I glanced at my phone on the now clean coffee table. I hadn't heard it buzz or chirp, and no light was flashing on it to indicate a new message. Before I could stop myself, I picked it up and looked just to make sure I hadn't missed one.