“What can I do or say that would help you feel more comfortable?” I ask.
“Make sense,” Rocco says with a quick shrug.
“Make sense of what?” Again I look to Cree, but he doesn’t offer any explanation.
“I don’t know why you want to,” Rocco says with a shrug. “I don’t understand why you’re asking to tie me.”
“I’ve watched you,” I tell him. “I’ve seen you at Gym and around campus. You interest me. Rope interests me. The two go together.”
“You know I’m a fucking train wreck, right?” Rocco looks up from the floor and actually meets my gaze for several seconds. “I’m a fucking disaster, and I don’t know why anyone would choose to insert themselves into that.”
“Yeah, and I have daddy issues.” The words come out unbidden. I take a long breath before I speak again. “Having issues doesn’t bother me. We all have issues.”
Rocco lets out a short, sharp laugh.
“None of us is perfect,” I say, ignoring his outburst. “I’m not looking for perfection. I just want to get to know you better.”
Rocco shakes his head slowly.
“Is that a no?” I ask. I cross my arms and prepare for the blow of rejection.
“It’s a decision,” Rocco says after a long pause. “I don’t like making decisions.”
“What if you try it right here, at my place?” Cree stands up a little straighter. “We could go up to my room—just you, me, and Casey—and do it here without anyone else around. I’d be right beside you the whole time.”
“Will you tie?” Rocco asks.
“The idea is to let Casey do the tying,” Cree replies, “but I’ll be in the room while she does. If you’re uncomfortable, we stop. Simple.”
It isn’t exactly how I pictured it, but it’s better than a no. I tilt my head, silently begging Rocco to agree, but he just sits there. I give Cree a sharp look, but he puts a hand up, one finger raised, motioning me to wait.
So I wait. Again.
Rocco doesn’t move. He stares at the floor in front of him, his expression making him look like he’s waiting for a sinkhole to open up and swallow him whole. Finally, his shoulders move with a deep breath, and he speaks.
“Yeah. Okay.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and grab my bag. It takes a minute to shuffle everyone around as Kas moves into the living room, and Rocco, Cree, and I move to the bedroom. I open up my bookbag and pull out a small drawstring backpack decorated with blue cartoon spiders.
“Keep it simple,” Cree says softly.
I nod as I begin to pull my rope out of the bag. I lay the coils on the edge of the bed so they’re easy to reach.
This is it. This is actually happening.
Rocco sits in the middle of the floor with his legs crossed. I chew on my lip as I look down at him and try to decide exactly what I want to do. This isn’t how I pictured everything in my mind, and I’m struggling to adjust. When I watched Cree tie Rocco at Gym, he was always at least shirtless and usually just in a tight pair of shorts. Now he sits on the floor in front of me, still clad in a T-shirt and jeans. Ultimately, I suppose it doesn’t matter, but it’s still an adjustment.
From everything Cree has said to me, Rocco just likes the feeling of rope around him, so I decide to go with that.
Cree said to keep it simple, so that’s what I’ll do.
I crouch in front of Rocco and quickly bind his wrists together, positioning his hands as if he’s in prayer. Then I bring the ends of the rope back up over his left shoulder, pressing his hands over his heart. Standing again, I move behind him, wrapping the rope around his back, underneath his arm, and then finally to the front. I look at his face as I come back around.
His eyes are closed, and his head is slightly bowed. I glance up at Cree and find him smiling. He nods in encouragement, and I make one more loop around Rocco’s torso before I tie off the first knot. I change the direction of the rope and go back around the other way, making another knot where the ropes cross, adding a bit more tension each time. I pause several times, paying attention to Rocco’s posture, expression, and breathing.
I have him. Even though Cree is standing guard just a few feet away, Rocco is in my rope and under my control. He’s at my mercy. In other situations, I might not have been merciful, but Rocco...he’s just different. I want to bind him tighter not just to maintain control but because he really seems to like it.
As the ropes get tighter, Rocco’s breathing slows. He keeps his eyes closed and his body almost completely motionless. As I wrap more and more rope around him, he seems to slump forward a little as if he’s fallen asleep.