Chicks, Man

“Jesus Christ, Hannah.” I shrug away his distress. It was a long time ago. “Tell me. What happened?”

“I tried to free my foot, but it wasn’t budging. I banged on the boat, but you know Chase, he probably got a bigger laugh at the fact. Either way, time passed, and thankfully, right when I ran out of air, they figured it out. Ben came under and grabbed me, pulled me out, and gave me the ol’ mouth to mouth.” I pause, embarrassed at having to admit that.

“Hannah, Jesus, I’m so sorry.”

“Pfft. Don’t be, it wasn’t a big deal.” But in reality, it was. There was more to the story I chose to keep to myself. The fear that consumed me thinking I was going to drown. The anger at how someone could be so cruel. Chase didn’t seem guilty in the least bit. He laughed it off, claiming I was probably faking to get attention. Poked harder by saying it was my way of getting Ben to kiss me. The humiliation on top of the fear that took over my wellbeing…I’d never been able to put myself back in that boat. I loved kayaking, and after that day, I hated it.

“Either way, it’s in the past. Water under the boat.” I wink, trying to make light of the situation, but his hard stare says he finds this anything but humorous. “Not funny?” I smile at my super lame pun.

“No, not funny.”

“Oh well. I was never headed for a career in comedy.” He studies me for a quick moment, then lays down on his own towel, closing his eyes. I can’t help but admire how handsome he is with the sun basking on his skin. Birds flock over the calm lake, the chorus of chirping blowing in the small breeze, a sweet smell in the air from the wildflowers growing along the water’s edge. He seems so peaceful here, like he always did when we were kids. My emotions start to take me back to a time when my world revolved around him. My silly, magical world of dreams that carrousel around the fairytale of my version of a happily ever after. Silent laughter seeps from my eyes as I gaze down at him, curious if my feelings were ever visible to him. Would he laugh away my crazy childhood fantasy? I pull my eyes away, forcing myself to leave those long-buried emotions at rest.

Picking up a leaf that’s blown into my lap, I tear it in two. “Your turn. Care to enlighten me on how you became teacher’s pet to my dad?” I ask, changing the direction of my thoughts. I smile down at him, a tightness in my heart at the way his lips form into a smirk. I should have stayed quiet. Allowed myself the time to push down the old feelings that have been resurfacing since the night of the wedding. I peer down at him needing another quick hit to feed my childhood addiction. When I steal a quick peek, his eyes are already on me. Busted. He holds my gaze, locking me into his emerald embrace. After a few seconds, I shift my head, pretending to be fascinated with the scenery in front of me.

“He’s been more of a father figure to me than my own dad, and ever since I could remember, I wanted to be just like him.” He breaks the silence with his sobering words, bringing me back in his line of sight. My mind searches for any memories of his family, his dad specifically, but none really come to mind. I think his dad is still alive, unless...

“Is your dad—?”

“Dead? I wish. No, sadly.” I stare at him, blinking away the shock at how he can speak so bluntly about his parent. His words catch me off guard, and my reaction doesn’t go unnoticed. “No need to look so surprised. My father was a drunk. He loved his booze more than he did his family and that never changed. And once I was about to go big, he loved the possibility of my money even more. He didn’t attend a single game, ceremony, or sponsorship camp. He was never a true father to me. But your dad was. He was the one who showed up to all my games, dinners, and went with me to all my scout trainings.”

“My dad? How come I never knew this?”

He shrugs, throwing his hands behind his head. “It’s not like it was a secret. But for some reason, we both chose to keep our time together private. Jim…your dad, came to my house one day, wanting to speak to my father about tagging along on a scout trip. He didn’t want to overstep so he thought to get my father’s approval first—not having a clue what he was walking into. My father, drunk off his ass, took a swing at me right in front of him. He tried to break it up, but it only made it worse. My mom had just left us. She’d had enough, got smart, and took off. Shitty thing is, she didn’t think to take me with and save me from him. But your dad stepped in and took me in. That’s why I stayed with you guys that whole summer.”