My therapist says stuff like this takes time. It’s been four months. I wish my scars would fade along with the memories. Levi says it’s a war wound that shows how strong I am. Sometimes I wish I could tell him how weak I really am. Times when he’s at work and I cry, worry, panic. But in every low moment, there’s a high. Levi’s selfless love. My family. The baby who’s about to arrive soon. Connor took something from me that day. He stole a part of that carefree piece of me, and I hate him for that. But I’ll grow to be a stronger person. That, I promise everyone.
In the meantime, I’m finding me again. I’ve decided not to go back to work at Matthews and Associates. Connor tainted that dream for me. Maybe that will change. But for now, I’ve set bigger aspirations for myself. I applied to law school. I want to be able to fight for victims like me who need a voice. Stacey’s kept me busy helping with baby shower planning, and I’m loving every minute of it, even though I have to stomach Rebecca.
I dry my hands and leave the bathroom, passing my old room. I still can’t believe Levi and I live together. One of my many childhood fantasies was us playing house in a cute pink house with a picket fence made of candy canes and flowers blooming cotton candy. Our nights would consist of us on our swing, made to fit only us and we would swing back and forth as we ate our sugared flowers. Geez, my poor little self would just die over in sugar heaven to know where her older self would end up. No cotton candy flowers, but the dessert Levi serves is way better.
For old time’s sake, I take a peek in my room. Laughing at some of the missing items on the wall, one being my old-school boy band poster Levi stole, which still hangs up in his place—our place. I tried telling him he could take it down, but he refused. He was so passionate about keeping it up, it was actually too cute. So, it stayed. It wasn’t until Chase took a shot at it that I finally put my foot down, defending the poster and my man.
“Jesus, dude, tell me I’ve walked into the wrong place.”
“No can do, man. Chicks dig boy band posters. You should take a tip out of my book for once.” I hear Levi as he pops open the fridge, two beer bottles clanking together. Levi’s having the boys over for guys’ night. I’m running late to meet with Stacey, and I bet he thinks I’m already gone since he’s being typical Chase, running his mouth.
“Dude, I’m about to put a missing sign for your balls on a milk carton.”
“I think it’s kinda cute. Levi gets to stare at his competition,” Kipley says, knowing how much I was in love with them as a kid.
Chase’s laugh is obnoxious, bouncing off the walls, and I think I hear a back slap. “Oh, she brought her masturbation poster over. Wow, didn’t know you weren’t doing it for—shit!”
“Mention one more time anything about my sister and that shit, and I’ll punch you harder.”
“Jesus, I wasn’t saying it as a bad thing. Wouldn’t mind watching little Hannah—fuck! What’s gotten into you two! Violence is not the answer, man!”
I grab my purse and leave the bedroom. When I round the corner, Chase’s eyes bug out at the sight of me. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah, oh shit is right.” The room gets silent as I sashay right up to Chase, his mouth slowly dropping open.
“Hey, uh…Han. Didn’t realize you were here. Great seeing you. New shirt? Lovely color.” Kipley chokes out a laugh, while Levi tries to hide his smirk. They all knew this moment was coming. “For real, why the crazy eye? Please don’t kill me. Levi, help, man.”
“No way. You’re on your own here,” Levi says, putting his hands up. His smirk makes it hard to keep a straight face.
“For real? You’re going to let her...wait, what are you going to do to me? Jesus, you scare me. Don’t hurt me.” He covers his face just as I make it to him.
“Chase, I’ve spent half my life taking your shit. Not. Any. More.” With each word, I jab him in the chest. With each flinch comes another burst of laughter from my brother. “Today, it stops.” I hit him with another jab. “No more Hannah Banana.” Jab. “No more calling me little.” Jab. “No more poking fun at anything I wear, eat, enjoy—and that includes my boy band poster. I know for a fact you went to that concert with Tricia Beckett in college where you screamed like a little girl, singing every single lyric.”