“Sawyer, what do you mean, ‘they get like this’ with you? They can’t treat you like that.” Kurt’s voice was clipped, and his knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel.
I turned to him with a shrug as I shrank into my seat. “They can. I deserve it. It’ll be fine.”
He shoved his sunglasses on top of his head, and I saw how mad he was. “No. No, you don’t. Why would you say that?”
With a sigh, I realized it was better to tell him now rather than later. If he changed his mind about me because of my past, it would hurt less now. “Because I killed their granddaughter, and they blame me for my sister’s death.”
“Shit.” Kurt pulled over to the shoulder and grabbed his phone. “Edge, I’m going to miss rehearsal. Something’s come up. Yeah, she’s fine. With me. There’s something I need to handle. Thanks. I owe you.” He ended the call and pulled out into traffic.
“What are you doing?” I started to panic.
“Edge and the guys will handle getting the settings right while we talk.”
I played with my fingers, afraid to face him. “You don’t need to miss it. I’ll be fine. And if you’re going to break up with me, just do it now.”
“I’m missing it. End of story. And I don’t care what you tell me, I’m not breaking up with you.”
Something flickered and warmed within me, but I was afraid to get my hopes up. “Where are we going?”
“Back to the bus, where I know we’ll be alone and able to talk freely.”
Thirty minutes later, we pulled up to the bus. Kurt grabbed my hand. “Let me call Waldo to make sure we’re not disturbed.”
“Okay.”
Frank met me at the door. “Back so soon? I was about to take George for a walk.”
“Thanks, Frank. You don’t have to.”
“I’d like to, if it’s okay.”
I bent and patted George’s head. “I’m sure he’d like it. Have a good walk.”
“Thanks, Sawyer.”
I took off my jacket and hung it in the little closet at the front of the bus. Then I sat on the sofa, too nervous to do much else. A few minutes later, Kurt came on, shrugged his jacket off, and came to sit beside me.
I fidgeted with my fingers for a minute before starting the story. “The Christmas of my senior year, my parents bought that cabin. My older sister, Adriane, had a little girl when she was in high school. That Christmas, Mattie was eight. Cameron and I took her out exploring. Mattie was energetic and overwhelmed Adriane a lot. My parents treated her like a nuisance.”
My voice caught. “We found an abandon barn that had been converted into a cabin. Mattie and I were upstairs. She was dancing on the balcony when it collapsed. I grabbed her, but she couldn’t stay still. Cameron tried to make it up to us, but she slipped from my fingers and died.”
The first tear fell. Kurt was about to speak, but I shook my head. “There’s more.” Another tear fell. “After that I became an outcast. I went to college, but I wasn’t welcome at any family functions. If I was invited, Adriane would yell terrible things at me the entire time. But I took it. I deserved it. A year later, Adriane committed suicide, blaming me. What you saw today was my life for a while. Then…one day…my parents snapped out of it and things were better. If it hadn’t been for Cameron, I don’t know what I would have done. At least they spoke to me today.”
Chapter Twenty
Kurt
What. The. Fuck.
I stared at Sawyer as she finished her story. My chest was heavy as she told it. Here I thought my childhood had been shit. At least I existed to my mom. “Is there anything else?”
“No. You’re the only person who knows everything. Well, beside Cameron and my parents. When Nan was alive, she knew, too. She was the neighbor who watched us. She was really special. Then one day, she died unexpectedly.”
I felt Sawyer slipping away. “Come here.”
“What?”
I stood and held out my hand. “Come with me.”