Fill Me (Rouse Me 3)

Luke

Alyssa can't answer my question. It's a simple question and it should be an easy answer.

Either she sees a future together, or she doesn't. It's not like I expect her to share my enthusiasm for imagining our life together, but I'd think, by now, she sees something.

So we walk. We walk through the park silently, both of us locked in our respective heads. This is no good. This is not how things should be. But I offered her time. I have to let her wait.

I keep my mouth shut, my hands in my pockets. I may as well have stayed in Los Angeles for how close we are right now.

I glance at Alyssa. She's wearing a frown. Pressing her nails into her fingers.

I run a hand through my hair. Maybe we need a little time away from this subject of conversation. Maybe it's good to walk quietly, like we're...

No. It's not good. It's awful.

There has to be some way to convince her I can handle anything, that I'm not going anywhere, not ever.

I pull my hand out of my pocket and offer it to Alyssa. She says nothing, but she wraps her fingers around mine. Her skin is soft and warm, and, for a second, I feel like there's some way to get past this.

Then I feel a drop on my forehead.

Rain.

Then, almost out of nowhere, it's pouring.

"I thought we were past this phase," she says.

I move closer. "What phase?"

"The one where you sulk because I won't tell you what you want to hear."

"That isn't it, Ally. It's the way you... you act like I'm your enemy instead of your boyfriend."

"Because you act like you're interrogating me."

"If I had this all on the court record, I could prove how wrong you are," I say. "But it wouldn't do me any good, would it?"

She shakes her head.

I squeeze her hand and take a step towards the street. "Come on. Let's get out of here. Get somewhere dry."

"I don't mind the rain." She pulls her hand away and keeps walking. The rain is heavy and cold and the sky is gray around us.

"Ally!"

She moves faster, nearly running. She's going to fall, hurt herself. She'd probably do it just to get out of this conversation.

I run after her, grab her arm to stop her. "Fine. You don't mind the rain. Then talk to me in the rain."

"Why does everything have to be such an ordeal with you? Why can't we have a day together without it turning into some conversation about our future?"

"What are you waiting for?"

"It has nothing to do with you."

"You agreed to marry Ryan."

Any hint of pleasure drops off her face and she stares at me like I'm the root of all the misery in the universe. "Are you jealous of Ryan?"