Fill Me (Rouse Me 3)

"How about next year. This time, next year, where will you be?"

I open my mouth to object, but I resist the urge. Where will I be next year? What do I see? I'm not entirely sure. There are hints of something--Luke getting home from work, slowly stripping off his suit, torturing me. We're in his house, our house, I guess. And we're going to eat dinner. But there's still a fuss, still all these questions, all this tension. We still can't manage to eat a damn meal without it becoming an interrogation.

Is that the future we're hurtling towards?

I blink open my eyes. "I don't want to do this anymore."

Luke squeezes my arm gently as he moves closer. "What is it?"

"Whatever this is, this self-help vision game, I don't want to do it anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like it. Why is this something we have to talk about?"

"Our future together?"

I nod. "How about we let it happen instead of over-directing it."

"One question every few months isn't over-directing." He runs a hand through his hair, his expression filling with concern. Great. I'm a matter of concern again. "I love you, Alyssa, and I never doubt that I want to be with you. Do you doubt you want to be with me?"

"On occasion."

He bites his lip. "Okay. That's fair. You know what a fan I am of reasonable doubt."

I suppress a laugh. "That's only vaguely related."

"True, but it made you smile."

"Luke, you're killing me here."

"I know," he says. "But I won't be able to breathe properly until you tell me if you see a future together."

"We've been together for a year."

"That's not an answer."

"Are you going to keep sending my friends to check on me?" I ask. It's not an answer, not really, but it will deflect him until I can figure out what to say, how to explain the thoughts careening around my brain.

"You sounded shaky. I needed to know you're okay, even if I had to hear it from her."

"Why don't you ask me?"

"Would you tell me?"

"Maybe." I look up into his eyes. They're so sincere, I can barely take it. I have to look away, to bury my head in his chest.

"I love you, Ally. I'm not going anywhere."

"Even if I close off and shut you out?"

"Even then," he says. "But you still haven't answered the question."

"Can I think about it?" I ask.

"It's all I'm going to think about until you answer," he says. But he lets it go. And we return to walking around the park, the only sound the city around us.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN