"My mom… the last time she manipulated my dad, she did it by claiming her Pap smear was abnormal. He was freaking out that she had ovarian cancer, calling me every day, begging me to talk to Mom."
"Why'd you need to be the one to do it?"
"Because I'm her baby girl, the only one who understands her. It's always something. She doesn't do it maliciously… at least I don't think she does. It's more that this is the only way she knows how to connect to me."
He runs his fingertips over the back of my hand. "What happened?"
"Eventually, it worked. I came to see her. It was supposed to be a lunch. She was supposed to tell me about her condition, but we got all the way to dessert and news was still MIA. I asked her point blank if she made it up."
He stares back into my eyes.
"She didn't admit it, exactly, but it was obvious in her expression. She wanted attention from me and this was the only way to get it." My eyes go to the floor. Now, I feel like an asshole, but I need to share this with Mal. "On the drive home, I thought it would have been better if she was sick. If she was terminal. Then she'd stop doing this to me. She'd stop using Dad. She'd stop getting our extended family and her friends caught up in these bullshit lies."
Mal takes my hand and rubs the spot between my thumb and forefinger with his thumb. "It's okay to be selfish sometimes."
"Right back at you."
He nods. "How long ago was that?"
"A few years. I haven't talked to her since then… except for when Dad ambushes me. I know it's the right decision, but—"
"You feel like shit about it?"
I nod. "It has to hurt, your mom getting the surgery. But do you think maybe she really means it? That she really does want to fight instead of making her kids watch her die?"
"Probably. But…"
"Either way, she's leaving you."
He nods. "I don't want her to die. I'm fucking terrified she's going to die."
"I know." I wrap my arms around him.
He pulls me off my stool and into his arms.
And I fall a little more in love with him.
After we finish eating, we cuddle on the couch while we watch Sabrina. I'm in Mal's lap with his arms around me. With all that warmth of his body melting into mine.
When the movie goes to credits, I can't help m
yself. I turn to straddle him. I stare into his deep blue eyes.
He stares back with all this need and affection.
Does he love me too?
I have to know.
But not yet. Not now…
I swallow the words down and lean in to kiss him. It's the only way to express this properly.
He kisses back with all the affection in the world.
One hand pushes my dress off my shoulders.
The other digs through my hair.