Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'Right, boys,' he said. 'Hats off.'

They de-hatted, but with reluctance. A wizard gets very attached to his pointy hat. It gives him a sense of identity. But, as the Chair had pointed out earlier, if people knew you were a wizard because you were wearing a pointy hat, then if you took the pointy hat off, they'd think you were just some rich merchant or something.

The Dean shuddered. 'It feels like I've taken all my clothes off,' he said.

'We can tuck them in under Poons' blanket,' said the Chair. 'Noone'll know it's us.'

'Yes,' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, 'but will we?'

'They'll just think we're, well, solid burghers.'

'That's just what I feel like,' said the Dean. 'A solid

burgher.' j

'Or merchants,' said the Chair. He smoothed back his white hair.

'Remember,' he said, 'if anyone says anything, we're not wizards. Just honest merchants out for an enjoyable evening, right?'

'What does an honest merchant look like?' said a wizard.

'How should I know?' said the Chair. 'So no-one is to do any magic,' he went on. 'I don't have to tell you what'll happen if the Archchancellor hears that his staff has been seen at the common entertainments.'

'I'm more worried about our students finding out,' shuddered the Dean.

'False beards,' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, triumphantly. 'We should wear false beards.'

The Chair rolled his eyes.

'We've all GOT beards,' he said. 'What kind of disguise would false beards be?'

'Ah! That's the clever bit,' said the Lecturer. 'No-one would suspect that anyone wearing a false beard would have a real beard underneath, would they?'

The Chair opened his mouth to refute this, and then hesitated.

'Well-' he said.

s this?' said Poons.

'But he was a student. He could have been a wizard,' said the Dean. 'Why would he want to go off and fondle young women?'

'It's a Victor all right, but not our Victor. Says here he's “Victor Maraschino”,' said the Chair.

'Oh, that's just a click name,' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes airily. 'They all have funny names like that. Delores De Syn and Blanche Languish and Rock Cliffe and so on . . . ' He realized that they were looking at him accusingly. 'Or so I'm told,' he added lamely. 'By the porter. He goes to see a click nearly every night.'

'What're you on about?' said Poons, waving his walking stick in the air.

'The cook goes every night, too,' said the Chair. 'So do most of the kitchen staff. You just try getting so much as a ham sandwich after nine o'clock.'

'Just about everyone goes,' said the Lecturer. 'Except us.'

One of the other wizards peered intently at the bottom of the poster.

'It says here,' he said, ' “A Sarger of Passione and Broad Staircases in Ankh-Morpork's Turbelent Histry!” '

'Ah. It's historical, then, is it?' said the Lecturer.

'And it says “A Epic Love Story that Astoundede Goddes and Menne!!” '