Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'Oh? Religious, as well.'

'And it says, “Withe a 1,000 elephants!!!” '

'Ah. Wildlife. Always very educational, wildlife,' said the Chair, looking speculatively at the Dean. The other wizards were doing so, too.

'It seems to me', said the Lecturer, slowly, 'that no-one could possibly object to senior wizards viewing a work of historical, religious and, er, wildliforific interest.'

'University rules are very specific,' said the Dean, but not very enthusiastically.

'But surely only meant for the students,' said the Lecturer. 'I can quite understand that students shouldn't be allowed to watch something like this. They'd probably whistle and throw things at the screen. But it couldn't be seriously suggested, could it, that senior wizards such as ourselves shouldn't examine this popular phenomenon?'

Poons' flailing walking stick caught the Dean sharply across the back of his legs.

'I demand to know what everyone's talking about!' he snapped.

'We don't see why senior wizards shouldn't be allowed to watch moving pictures!' bellowed the Chair.

'Jolly good thing, too!' snapped Poons. 'Everyone likes to look at a pretty woman.'

'No-one mentioned anything about any pretty women. We were far more interested in examining popular phenomenons,' said the Chair.

'Call it what you like, mm?' cackled Windle Poons.

'If people see wizards strolling out of the gate and going into a common moving-picture pit they'll lose all respect for the profession,' said the Dean. 'It's not even as if it's proper magic. It's just trickery.'

'Y'know,' said one of the lesser wizards, thoughtfully, 'I've always wondered exactly what these wretched clicks are. Some kind of puppet show, are they? Are these people acting on a stage? Or a shadow play?'

'See?' said the Chair. 'We're supposed to be wise, and we don't even know.'

They all looked at the Dean.

'Yes, but who wants to see a lot of young women dancing around in tights?' he said, hopelessly.

Ponder Stibbons, luckiest post-graduate wizard in the history of the University, sauntered happily towards the secret entrance over the wall. His otherwise uncrowded mind was pleasantly awash with thoughts of beer and maybe a visit to the clicks and maybe a Klatchian extra-hot curry to round off the evening, and then-

It was the second worst moment in his life.

They were all there. All the senior staff. Even the Dean. Even old Poons in his wheelchair. All standing there in the shadows, looking at him very sternly. Paranoia exploded its dark fireworks in the dustbin of his mind. They were all waiting just for him.

He froze.

The Dean spoke.

'Oh. Oh. Oh. Er. Ah. Um. Um,' he began, and then seemed to catch up with his tongue. 'Oh. What's this? Forward this minute, that man!'

Ponder hesitated. Then he ran for it.

After a while the Lecturer in Recent Runes said, 'That was young Stibbons, wasn't it? Has he gone?'

'I think so.'

'He's bound to say something to someone.'

'No he won't,' said the Dean.

'Do you think he saw where we'd taken out the bricks?'

'No, I was standing in front of the holes,' said the Chair.