“Yes.”
The Librarian opened one eye.
“What about the smell?”
“He won't mind.”
“Hadn't you better apologize to the coachman?” said
Ponder.
“No, but I could kick him again harder if he likes.”
“And that's the Bursar,” said Ridcully, pointing to Exhibit B, who was sleeping the sleep of the near-terminally overdosed on dried frog pills. “Hey, Bursar? Bursssaaar? No, he's out like a light. Just push him under the seat. Can you play Cripple Mr. Onion?”
“Not very well.”
“Capital!”
Half an hour later Ridcully owed the dwarf $8,000.
“But I put it on my visiting card,” Casanunda pointed out. “Outrageous liar. Right there.”
“Yes, but I thought you were lying!”
Ridcully sighed and, to Ponder's amazement, produced a bag of coins from some inner recess. They were large coins and looked suspiciously realistic and golden.
Casanunda might have been a libidinous soldier of fortune by profession but he was a dwarf by genetics, and there are some things dwarfs know.
“Hmm,” he said. “You don't have ”outrageous liar“ on your visiting card, by any chance?”
“No!” said Ridcully excitedly
“It's just that I can recognize chocolate money when I see it.”
“You know,” said Ponder, as the coach jolted along a canyon, “this reminds me of that famous logical puzzle.”
“What logical puzzle?” said the Archchancellor. “Well,” said Ponder, gratified at the attention, “it appears that there was this man, right, who had to choose between going through two doors, apparently, and the guard on one door always told the truth and the guard on the other door always told a lie, and the thing was, behind one door was certain death, and behind the other door was freedom, and he didn't know which guard was which, and he could only ask them one question and so: what did he ask?”
The coach bounced over a pothole. The Librarian turned over in his sleep.
“Sounds like Psychotic Lord Hargon of Quirm to me,” said Ridcully, after a while.
“That's right,” said Casanunda. “He was a devil for jokes like that. How many students can you get in an Iron Maiden, that kind of thing.”
“So this was at his place, then, was it?” said Ridcully.
“What? I don't know,” said Ponder.
“Why not? You seem to know all about it.”
“I don't think it was anywhere. It's a puzzle.”
“Hang on,” said Casanunda, “I think I've worked it out. One question, right?”
“Yes,” said Ponder, relieved.
“And he can ask either guard?”