Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

"You know how that tube works, don't you?"

"Oh, yeth, thur. You jutht light a flare in the box, and then it'th just point and click."

"You're not going to answer it, are you, sir?" said Jackrum, horrified.

"I am indeed, sergeant," said Blouse briskly. "Private Carborundum, please assemble the tube. Manickle, please bring the lantern. I shall need to read the code book."

"But that'll give away our position!" said Jackrum.

"No, sergeant, because although this term may be unfamiliar to you I intend to what we call 'lie'," said Blouse. "Igor, I'm sure you have some scissors, although I'd rather you didn't attempt to repeat the word."

"I have thome of the applianthetheth you mention, thur," said Igorina stiffly.

"Good." Blouse looked round. "It's almost pitch dark now. Ideal. Take my blanket and cut, oh, a three-inch circle out of it, then tie the blanket over the front of the tube."

"That will cut off motht of the light, thur!"

"Indeed it will. My plan depends upon it," said Blouse proudly.

"Sir, they will see the light, they'll know we're here," said Jackrum, as though repeating things to a child.

"I explained, sergeant. I will lie," said Blouse.

"You can't lie when - "

"Thank you for your input, sergeant, that will be all for now," said Blouse. "Are we ready, Igor?"

"Jutht about, thur," said Igorina, tying the blanket across the end of the tube. "Okay, thur. I'll light the flare when you thay."

Blouse unfolded the little book. "Ready, private?" he said.

"Yup," said Jade.

"On the word 'long' you will hold the trigger for the count of two, and then let go. On the word 'short' you will hold it down for the count of one, and likewise let go. Got that?"

"Yup, el-tee. Could hold it down for lots, if you like," said Jade. "One, two, many, lots. I'm good at countin'. High as you like. Jus' say der word."

"Two will suffice," said Blouse. "And you, Private Goom, I want you to take my telescope and look for long and short flashes from that light over there, understand?"

Polly saw Wazzer's face and said quickly: "I'll do that, sir!"

A small white hand was laid on her arm. In the miserly glimmer of the dark lantern, Wazzer's eyes glowed with the light of certainty. "The Duchess guides our footsteps now," she said, and took the telescope from the lieutenant. "What we are doing is her work, sir."

"Is it? Oh. Well... that's good," said Blouse.

"She will bless this instrument of far seeing that I may use it," said Wazzer.

"Indeed?" said Blouse nervously. "Well done. Now... are we ready? Send as follows... long... long... short..."

The shutter in the tube clicked and rattled as the message flashed out across the sky. When the troll lowered the tube, there was half a minute of darkness. And then: "Short... long..." Wazzer began.

Blouse held the code book up to his face, his lips moving as he read by the pinpoints of light escaping from the loins of the box. "W... R... U," he said. "And M...S...G...P...R..."

"That's not a message!" said Jackrum.

"On the contrary, they want to know where we are, because they're having trouble seeing our light," said Blouse. "Send as follows... short..."

"I protest, sir!"