Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

"Yes, Magda."

"Well, a woman can carry a knife, can't she?"

"It's a sabre, Magda. You're trying to hide it, but it's a sabre."

"But I'm only using it like a knife, Polly."

"It's three feet long, Magda."

"Size isn't important, Polly."

"No one believes that. Leave it behind a tree, please. That is an order."

"Oh, all right!"

After a while, Shufti, who had appeared to be thinking deeply, said: "I can't understand why she didn't just tie up her own garter..."

"Shuft, what the hell - " Tonker began.

" - heck," Polly corrected her, "and you're talking to Betty, remember."

"What the heck are you talking about, Betty?" said Tonker, rolling her eyes.

"Well, the song, of course. And you don't have to lie down to tie a garter in any case. It'd be more difficult," said Shufti. "It's all a bit silly."

No one said anything for a while. It was, perhaps, easy to see why Shufti was on her quest.

"You're right," said Polly eventually. "It's a silly song."

"A very silly song," Tonker agreed.

They all agreed. It was a silly song.

They stepped out onto the river path. Ahead of them a small group of women were hurrying round the bend in the track. Automatically, the squad looked up. The Keep grew out of the sheer cliff; it was hard to see where the unhewn rock ended and the ancient masonry began. They could see no windows. From here, it was just a wall extending to the sky. No way in, it said. No way out. In this wall are few doors, and they close with finality.

This close to the deep, slow river, the air was bone-chillingly cold, and grew colder the higher they looked. Around the curve they could see the little rock shelf where the back door was, and the women ahead of them talking to a guard.

"This is not going to work," said Shufti under her breath. "They're showing him some papers. Anyone brought theirs? No?"

The soldier had looked up and was watching the girls, with that blank official expression of someone who was not looking for excitement or adventure in his life.

"Keep moving," murmured Polly. "If it all gets really bad, burst into tears."

"That's disgusting," said Tonker.

Their treacherous feet were taking them closer all the time. Polly kept her eyes downwards, as was proper in an unmarried woman. There would be others watching, she knew it. They'd probably be bored, they might not be expecting any trouble, but up on those walls there were eyes fixed on her.

They reached the guard. Just inside the narrow stone doorway there was another one, lounging in the shadow.

"Papers," said the guard.

"Oh, sir, I have none," said Polly. She'd been working out the speech on the way down through the wood. War, fears of invasion, people fleeing, no food... you didn't have to make things up, you just had to reassemble reality. "I had to leave - "

"Oh, right," the guard interrupted. "No papers? No problem! If you'd just step in and see my colleague? Nice of you to join us!" He stood aside and waved a hand towards the dark entrance.

Mystified, Polly stepped inside, with the others following. Behind them, the door swung shut. Inside, she saw that they were in a long passage with many slits in the walls to rooms on either side. Lamplight shone from the slits. She could see shadows beyond them. Bowmen concealed there could turn anyone trapped in here into mince.

At the end of the corridor another door swung open. It led into a small room in which there sat, at a desk, a young man in a uniform Polly didn't recognize, although it had a captain's insignia. Standing to one side was a much, much larger man in the same uniform, or possibly two uniforms stitched together. He had a sword. There was that about him: when this man held a sword, it was clearly being held, and held by him. The eye was drawn to it. Even Jade would have been impressed.