Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31)

"All right," she whispered, as the ground levelled out. "Remember, no swearing. Giggle, don't snigger. No belching. No weapons, either. They can't be that stupid in there. Anyone brought a weapon?"

There was a shaking of heads.

"Did you bring a weapon, Tonk - Magda?"

"No, Polly."

"No item of any sort with a certain weapon-like quality?" Polly insisted.

"No, Polly," said Tonker demurely.

"Anything, perhaps, with an edge?"

"Oh, you mean this?"

"Yes, Magda."

"Well, a woman can carry a knife, can't she?"

"It's a sabre, Magda. You're trying to hide it, but it's a sabre."

"But I'm only using it like a knife, Polly."

"It's three feet long, Magda."

"Size isn't important, Polly."

"No one believes that. Leave it behind a tree, please. That is an order."

"Oh, all right!"

After a while, Shufti, who had appeared to be thinking deeply, said: "I can't understand why she didn't just tie up her own garter..."

"Shuft, what the hell - " Tonker began.

" - heck," Polly corrected her, "and you're talking to Betty, remember."

"What the heck are you talking about, Betty?" said Tonker, rolling her eyes.

"Well, the song, of course. And you don't have to lie down to tie a garter in any case. It'd be more difficult," said Shufti. "It's all a bit silly."

No one said anything for a while. It was, perhaps, easy to see why Shufti was on her quest.

"You're right," said Polly eventually. "It's a silly song."

"A very silly song," Tonker agreed.

They all agreed. It was a silly song.

They stepped out onto the river path. Ahead of them a small group of women were hurrying round the bend in the track. Automatically, the squad looked up. The Keep grew out of the sheer cliff; it was hard to see where the unhewn rock ended and the ancient masonry began. They could see no windows. From here, it was just a wall extending to the sky. No way in, it said. No way out. In this wall are few doors, and they close with finality.

This close to the deep, slow river, the air was bone-chillingly cold, and grew colder the higher they looked. Around the curve they could see the little rock shelf where the back door was, and the women ahead of them talking to a guard.

"This is not going to work," said Shufti under her breath. "They're showing him some papers. Anyone brought theirs? No?"

The soldier had looked up and was watching the girls, with that blank official expression of someone who was not looking for excitement or adventure in his life.

"Keep moving," murmured Polly. "If it all gets really bad, burst into tears."