Unseen Academicals (Discworld 37)

'You've got some kind of magic mirror?' said Glenda flatly.

'That's it, if you want the size of a pine nut,' said Hix.

'Pine nuts are actually seeds,' said Glenda smugly. 'So, what you're saying is that everything that happens stays happened somewhere and you can look at it if you have the knowing?'

'That is a magnificent distillation of the situation,' said Hix. 'Which is incredibly helpful while at the same time inaccurate in every possible way. But, as you put it, we use a'¨Cand here he gave a little shudder¨C'magic mirror, as you put it. We recently looked at the battle of Orc Deep for the Archchancellor. That was the last known battle in which the race known as orcs were deployed.'

'Deployed?' said Glenda.

'Used,' said Hix.

'Used? And you can find something like that in the total history of everything there has ever been?'

'Ahem. It helps to have an anchor,' said Hix. 'Something that was present. And all I am going to tell you, young lady, is that there was a piece of a skull found on that battlefield, and since it was a skull that firmly puts it into the responsibility of my department.' He turned to the Librarian. 'It's okay to show her, isn't it?' he said. The Librarian shook his head. 'Good. That means I can do it, then, under university statute. A certain amount of surreptitious disobedience is demanded of me. We have it set up on an omniscope. Since my colleague is so certain that I should not be doing this, he will not mind if I do. It's only a very brief fragment of time, but it did impress the Archchancellor, if impress is the right word.'

'I just want to get something clear,' said Glenda. 'You can actually disobey the orders of someone like the Archchancellor?'

'Oh, yes,' said Hix. 'I am under instruction to do so. It is expected of me.'

'But how can that possibly work?' said Glenda. 'What happens when he gives you an instruction that he doesn't want you to disobey?'

'It works by common sense and good will on all sides,' said Hix. 'If, for example, the Archchancellor gives me a command that absolutely must not be disobeyed, he will add something like, "Hix, you little worm (by university statute), if you disobey this one, I'll smack your head." Though in reality, a word to the wise, madam, is sufficient. It's all done on the basis of trust, really. I am trusted to be untrustworthy. I don't know what the Archchancellor would do without me.'

'Yeah, right,' said Charlie, grinning.

A few minutes later, Glenda was in another dark room, standing in front of a round, dark mirror, at least as high as she was. 'Is this going to be like the Moving Pictures?' she said sarcastically.

'An amusing comparison,' said Hix. 'Except for, one, there is no popcorn and, two, you would not want to eat it if there was. What might be called the camera in this case was the last thing one of the human fighters saw.'

'Is this the person whose skull you've got?'

'Well done! I see you have been following things,' said Hix.

There was a moment of silence. 'This is going to be scary, isn't it?'

'Yes,' said Hix. 'Nightmares? Very probably. Even I think it's extremely disconcerting. Are you ready, Charlie?'

'Ready,' said Charlie, from somewhere in the darkness. 'Are you sure, miss?'

Glenda wasn't sure, but anything would be better than facing Hix's know-it-all smile. 'Yes,' she said, keeping her voice firm.

'The fragment we are able to show lasts less than three seconds, but I doubt whether you will want to see it again. Are we ready? Thank you, Charlie.'

Glenda's chair went backwards very quickly and Hix, who had been hovering, caught her. 'The only known representation of an orc in battle,' said Hix, standing her upright. 'Well done, by the way. Even the Archchancellor swore out loud.'

Glenda blinked, trying to slice slightly less than three seconds out of her memory. 'And that's true, is it?' But it had to be true. There was something about the way the image was sticking to the back of her brain that declared the truth of it.

'I want to see it again.'

'You what?!' said Hix.

'There's more to it,' said Glenda. 'It's only a part of a picture.'

'It took us hours to work that out,' said Hix severely. 'How did you spot it the very first go?'

'Because I knew it had to be there,' said Glenda.

'She's got you there, boss,' said Charlie.