“Yo, what are you doing?”
He doesn’t stop, fisting the bottle in his hand. I follow him out of my bedroom and into the bathroom where he’s dumping the pills into the toilet. My heart beats faster when I see the last one hit the water. It’s as if my chest is caving in, the thought of not having the pills to help me get through another day is like a punch to the kidney.
“I need them.” My voice sounds so desperate I almost don’t recognize it.
He turns to face me, chucking the empty bottle into the trashcan under the sink. “No, you don’t. You’re never going to get back in shape if you’re addicted to drugs.”
“They’re not drugs. The doctor gave them to me for the pain.”
He stares at me for far too long, the awkward silence between us knotting my stomach. Or maybe it’s all the meds I’ve taken on an empty stomach. “You’ve been popping Percocet like they’re Tic-Tacs. It’s not about the pain anymore.”
“Like you know. Have you ever broken a bone?”
“No. But I don’t need to break a bone to know that you’re using the pills as a coping mechanism to deal with your problems. The only way you come out on top of this shitty situation is to face it. You have to stop acting like you’ve given up.”
“Because I have,” I admit. “My career is over. The doctor didn’t sound too optimistic. I’m only trying to prepare myself for the future I know I’m going to face.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “By turning into a drug addict? Yeah, great plan, Killian.”
I snort at his comment. “I’m not an addict.”
“Maybe not right now, but you will be if you keep going down this road. Look, man, I get it. This is a lot to deal with. You should talk to Preston. He knows what you’re going through. He’s in the same position now that he’s out of the league for fighting Lehane. But he hasn’t given up hope. What he did definitely isn’t going to put him at the top of any NHL teams’ list, but he’s still planning to heal his broken hand and get back to work.”
Not long before the crash, Preston got into a fight with a player from Boston College and shattered his nose. Because it was such a bloody and violent fight, the NCAA suspended him for the rest of the season, therefore, ending his college hockey career.
“Yeah.” I nod in acknowledgment, so happy to have a friend like Jamie in my life, allowing everything he’s said to sink into my thick skull.
If I were him, I would have knocked my ass out and called it a day. But that’s not who Jamie is. He’s a good dude who truly wants to see all of his friends succeed. I wish I had his confidence right now. My lack of hope has dwindled with each handful of pills I swallow.
What am I doing with my life?
Finn needs me. He can’t have a brother like me fucking up his life. Even if I can’t do this for myself right now, I need to do this for him. My family needs me, so I have to suck this up and try to move forward.
“Now would you go deal with Jade?” He steps into the hallway, headed toward his room. “Do it or I will.”
Rolling my eyes at the back of his head, I sigh.
When I open the front door, Jade is nowhere in sight. I step onto the covered porch and glance over to my left where she would have stood to throw shit at my bedroom window.
She was out here for at least thirty minutes before she gave up.
Man, I’m such an asshole.
I really do love her.
But if you love someone you let them go, right? I’m doing her a favor. She could date some rich banker in New York and make her father happy.
Since she’s met me, her life has gone up in flames along with mine. Her dad stripped away her trust fund leaving her penniless and without any family.
Was that my fault?
She never would have challenged her dad about nursing school if I hadn’t gotten hurt. I feel so responsible for all of the bad things that have happened to everyone around me. Preston is out of the league and without much of a chance. And Jade is throwing her future away for me.
Maybe she’ll stay away this time. But I doubt it. My girl always puts herself before others. It’s the reason we were together. Had it not been for her kindness, I never would’ve gotten to know the girl I’m so hopelessly in love with.
Jamie’s right.
I need to fix this—starting with Jade.
Chapter Twenty
Jade
Shannon wraps her arms around me as I cry on her shoulder.
“Why is he acting this way? I know he’s in pain and hurting, but I thought we were in this together. He said we were…” Lost in thought and unsure of everything when it comes to Killian, my voice trails off.