God love the man. Only Ralph could have her busting out laughing about something she’d been ruminating over for days. “Slow down. You’re making me dizzy. You’re firing questions faster than the paparazzi.”
“Oh, you did not just go there.”
She laughed again. “His dick was nowhere near small. I have no idea about the sock thing because we really didn’t take any clothes off, and no, it certainly was not bad.”
It had been the best sex of her life. Hot, dirty, raw. They’d been so desperate for each other that both of them lost their minds right there in the lobby of Keith’s shop with windows all around, for crying out loud. And this time, there weren’t any substances in her system to blame it on.
“Oooh, tell me more, you dirty girl.”
“I’m not giving you any more details, perv.”
“Come on, girl,” he said with a distinct whine. “I haven’t slept with anyone in three weeks.”
She gasped around her laugh. “A whole three weeks? How are you still alive?” There’d been a time she’d had more male attention than one woman ever needed. Three weeks of abstinence would have seemed like a lifetime. But not one of those men had meant anything to her and aside from an orgasm—if her partner for the night had known what he was doing—the encounters left her cold, empty, and reaching for a bottle. “Fine, all I will say is that you cannot describe it as sleeping with someone. No bed was involved.”
“Damn, woman. So this was a down and dirty fuck then?”
“Pretty much,” she whispered, rubbing her temples where a headache was forming.
“Ugh, I’m not jealous at all. Not one single bit. I swear it.”
She snorted.
“So what’s the problem then?” he asked. “Why did you have to disappear for two days to process a hot fuck? You’re not exactly a simpering virgin.”
What was the problem? What a question. One she’d been obsessing over since the moment her brain returned and the endorphins faded. She’d come to the conclusion that the behavior was way too reminiscent of how she’d have acted in the past and in contrast with how she’d promised to act moving forward as a healthy, sober woman.
“Mickie?” His voice was gentle, inquiring.
“Sorry. It’s just…I thought I was done with all that.”
“With all what? Sex?” He barked out a laugh. “Please, I hope not. You are way too young to be done with sex, baby doll.”
This time she couldn’t join in the levity. “No. Not sex, but…Ralph I lost control. Just poof.” She snapped her fingers. “The man touched me, and my brain vanished. I swear a bomb could have gone off, and I wouldn’t have noticed it. It was crazy and wild and…well out of control, like I said.” She left out the parts about a scary encounter with Keith’s father being the catalyst because Ralph would only freak out, and she had a feeling this thing with Keith would have happened eventually regardless. The run-in with his father only sped up the timeline.
“Damn, I’ll be right back. I need to stick my head in the freezer.”
She groaned. “Ralph, be serious, please. I’m struggling here.”
“Well, honey, to be honest, I’m not following what has you so freaked out. To me this just sounds like you’re bragging.”
She sighed and plopped down on the couch. Resting her head on the back cushions, she said, “I’ve been working so hard to take control of my life. No drinking, no drugs, owning my mistakes, making sound choices, recognizing my emotions, both positive and negative. It’s been months since I’ve engaged in any destructive behaviors, and I feel incredible. I’m happy here and proud of myself even if the work isn’t done. Then here comes one hot man, and I threw out months of emotionally draining work for a shot at his dick.”
She closed her eyes and practiced a breathing technique she’d learned in rehab. It helped slow her heart and manage anxiety.
“Sweetie?” Ralph asked.
“I’m here.”
“Were you drunk when this happened?”
Her eyes popped open, and her spine snapped straight. “No! You know I wasn’t.” If anyone else had asked, she’d be offended, but Ralph had seen her at her very worst and stuck by her side when so many disowned her. He was justified in his occasional distrust.
“High?”
“No.”
“Was he a nameless, faceless random guy you hooked up with in the back corner of a trendy club only to be splashed all over Insta ten seconds later?”
“No,” she whispered. Would she ever completely shake the shame of her past behavior?
“Well then, this sounds to me like an enviable encounter you should be bragging about not beating yourself up over. We all have needs, girl. No one expects you to live like a monk forever.”
“But I—”
“Lost control, yes. I heard you. But adults have sex whether they’re in or out of relationships. Hot, passionate, wild sex, even. As long as everything was consensual and you were sober, no harm done.”