Em. I love all these nicknames he suddenly has for me.
“I know you can,” I shoot back, seeing stars when his fingers find my clit. “Doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.”
His fingers go still. “You think what we’re doing is wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I say softly. “But it feels nice. Samuel, it feels—” I hiss when he touches my clit again.
“You feel what?” he says.
“I feel like fucking you.”
I expect him to maul me right then and there. Instead, he pins me with a glare. Fingers still moving between my legs, he shakes his head. “I’m not fucking you.”
“Why not?”
“You know why. I want to make love to you. But it doesn’t matter what I want, because you’re sore and you think this is wrong and I won’t—”
“I want that,” I say quickly, a different kind of panic rising in my chest. “I want you to make love to me, Samuel. The lube is helping. You won’t hurt me, I promise. And this isn’t wrong. It’s just…complicated.”
“Complicated doesn’t equal right. I need you to be okay with this, or I’m not going any further.”
I roll my eyes. “Sometimes complicated equals delicious. And that’s what this is. Right now, Samuel, this is fucking delicious.” I firm my voice. “Give me what I want.”
He looks at me for a long beat. “Can I tell you what I want?”
“Sho-oot,” I manage when he slips a single finger inside me.
“That hurt?”
“No. It felt good. Really good.” I’m panting now, eyes glued to the place where he’s touching me. His fingers—those fingers—move slowly over my slick folds, making sticky sounds that only turn me on more.
“I love condoms. Well, I don’t love them, but I always use them. Like, always. But with you, I kinda…don’t. Want to use them, I mean.”
I go still, and my heart flips. For a second, I feel like I’m going to cry. Not because he’s being careless, but because he wants it to be different with me.
The idea is arousing in the extreme to the point that it overwhelms me. Fuck, how am I supposed to pretend these feelings will just…go away tomorrow?
“Samuel—”
“Forget it.” He leans in and presses a hot, quick kiss to my lips. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“Why did you bring it up?”
“Because I want you to trust me the way I trust you. Because I want to feel you. Because I’m the best lay you’ve ever had, and I want to show you how the sex can get even better. Because—”
A beat of silence stretches between us, filling with the words he didn’t say.
The words I’m too scared to hear.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. “It was wrong of me to ask. To put pressure on you.”
“It’s okay. I just…I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”
He nods, climbing onto the bed so that he’s on his haunches between my legs. “I’m glad you told me. Just keep talking to me, okay?”
“Of course.”
He slips his hands underneath my knees and spreads my legs wider. He looks down at my pussy, then looks up at me. The earnestness in his gaze, the hunger, is so real and so sharp it takes my breath away. “May I?”
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, throat suddenly tight. “You may.”
Then he ducks down and gives my slit a long, slow lick that has my hips curling off the bed and my fingers fisting in his hair. “My clit,” I say. “Go there. Now.”
His eyes flash as he does what I tell him, pressing the flat of his tongue to my clit. He stays there, waiting for further instruction.
The need inside my blood roars. Maybe if I reach for my inner alpha, if I grab at whatever control I can get my hands on at this point, I won’t cry. “Now circle it. Yes, just like that, just the tip of your—” My breath catches. “I forgot how good you are at this. Now kiss me. Slow and deep. Like you mean it, Samuel. Yes. Yes.” I reach for the Trojans on the bedside table. I grab one and tear it open with my teeth. “I want to come on your dick.”
Samuel groans against my pussy in reply, the vibration making me see stars.
I grab his hair and pull him away from my pussy. “On your knees.”
He straightens to an impressive height even on his knees, towering over me. His body radiates heat. I drink him in, starting at his thighs. He’s muscle and girth and strength, sinews tight against his skin. His mouth and the tip of his cock glisten. A cock that’s enormous, its velvet length protruding obscenely from between his sculpted hips.
All this power. He’s surrendering all this beauty to me.
My eyes film over. Hands shake as I pull the condom out of the wrapper and wrap my fingers around the underside of his shaft, giving him a firm, slow tug.