Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

My shoulders sag. “Totally.”

“Want to share?”

“I had a Nate Crane memory.”

She frowns. “Was it bad?”

I chew on my lower lip and shake my head. “No. It was good. Really good. And now I’m having memory guilt.”

We sit in silence for a minute before Liz asks, “Does it bother you not knowing what made you choose Max?”

The question makes me uncomfortable in my own skin. I want to say no. To swear that I don’t need to know. To say that every morning when I wake up, my heart chooses Max.

But that’s not true. My heart? It doesn’t know what it wants.

“You don’t have to answer that,” she whispers.

I sigh. “Bridesmaid dress fitting this afternoon?”

“Yeah. Yours is going to need to be taken in. We ordered them a couple months ago. I think we’re going to choose bridesmaid dresses for your wedding while we’re there.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess we need to do that.”

She frowns. “Don’t get too excited.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t fit?” my mom screeches from the other side of the dressing room door. “That dress fit you perfectly the day we bought it!”

The seamstress studies her shoes and shifts uncomfortably. “I could try the zipper again,” she whispers.

I shake my head. “It’s no use.”

We met Cally, Maggie, and Nix at Cleanstein’s to try on our bridesmaid dresses and see if they needed alterations. They pinned mine to be taken in. Then Mom showed up and decided that I should try on my wedding gown for the girls.

“Okay,” Mom says, pushing into the dressing room. “We can put off final alterations for, what, another couple of weeks if we need to. You can get the weight back off, can’t you, sweetie?”

I look to the seamstress. “Is it possible to take it out?”

“We have maybe half an inch to work with,” the seamstress says. “It might just be enough, but in a dress this style, there’s not much wiggle room.”

“Let’s wait,” Mom says. “Hanna’s going to fit into it, and if not, we’ll take it out.” She forces a smile and pats me on the shoulder awkwardly before leaving the dressing room.

The seamstress helps me out of the dress and leaves me alone to study myself in the mirror. Somehow it looks different to me now. The curve of my hips a

nd my breasts. The returning softness of my belly. This is a body two amazing men lose their minds over. It’s something beautiful. Something worth caring for.

“Are you okay?” Maggie calls on the other side of the door.

I shake my head to clear it and dress. “I’m fine.”

She’s waiting outside the door when I exit the dressing room. “I heard it doesn’t fit,” she whispers.

“I’ve gained weight.” I lower my voice to make sure Mom can’t hear. “There are probably only five pounds between me now and me getting that dress zipped, but just staying the size I am now until the wedding is going to be hard enough.”

“Would you be offended if I offered my old dress from my canceled wedding?”

I draw in a breath, remembering how much I loved Maggie’s dress. She ended up calling off the wedding, and I never thought about what happened to it. “Would it fit me?”

She nods. “It’s a ten and it’s an A-line, so it’s only fitted right above your waist and at your chest. It’s in the closet in the guestroom at Asher’s if you want to try it on.”