The Book of Manuals
Page 5
Manual of reasons to love men
(Originally sent by a reader, Julia Dragan, and complemented with information I found on various chat rooms on the internet.)
1. We love men because they cannot fake an orgasm, even if they want to.
2. Because they will never understand us, but nevertheless keep trying.
3. Because they can still see our beauty, even when we ourselves are incapable of believing in it.
4. Because they can understand equations, politics, mathematics and economics, but not the female heart.
5. Because, as lovers, they only rest when we reach (or pretend to reach) orgasm.
6. Because they have managed to elevate sport to something close to a religion.
7. Because they are never afraid of the dark.
8. Because they insist on trying to mend things that are beyond them, and apply themselves to this task with all the enthusiasm of an adolescent and then despair when they fail.
9. Because they are like pomegranates, large parts of which are inedible, but whose seeds are delicious.
10. Because they never worry about what the neighbours might say.
11. Because we always know what they are thinking, and when they open their mouth, they say exactly what we thought they would.
12. Because it wouldn’t occur to them to torture themselves by wearing high heels.
12a. Because they love to explore our body and conquer our soul.
14. Because a fourteen-year-old girl can leave them speechless and a twenty-five-year-old can easily tame them.
15. Because they are always drawn to extremes: hedonists or ascetics, warriors or monks, artists or generals.
16. Because they do their best to try and overcome their weaknesses.
17. Because a man’s greatest fear is not being a man, something that never occurs to a woman (not being a woman, that is).
18. Because they eat everything on their plate and never feel guilty.
19. Because they find really boring things fascinating, for example, cars and office politics.
20. Because they have shoulders on which we can easily fall asleep.
21. Because they are at ease with their bodies, apart from minor concerns about baldness and obesity.
22. Because they are incredibly brave about insects.
23 Because they never lie about their age.
24. Because however hard they try, they cannot live without a woman.
25. Because when we say to a man ‘I love you’, he always wants to know how much.
Manual to help men understand women’s behaviour
(as told to me by Kirsten)
1. We women are born detectives. In our eyes, all men are suspect, and any affairs you may have will always be discovered; it’s just a matter of time.