I think about taking my hand back as we watch the characters sing and dance. But it’s Hello Kitty Land. I only mentioned to him that I really wanted to go again once, back when I was eighteen. But he remembered. And now we’re here.
I don’t hold onto his hand like he’s holding onto mine. But I don’t take it back either.
The only disappointment in the show is that while some new characters, like Gudetama, the now world-famous lazy egg yolk, makes an appearance, Aggretsuko is nowhere to be found.
“Is Aggretsuko here today?” I ask our escort as he leads us toward Gudetama Land.
The guide makes a hesitant face in the way I remember a lot of Japanese people doing right before they carefully say something that didn’t necessarily sound like no but totally means no.
“Her birthday month is not until November,” he answers. “And that is usually when we feature her character.”
“Aw, man!” I say to Victor before I can think twice about initiating a conversation with him.
He answers with a sympathetic look and signs with one hand, “This is even worse than no K-E-R-R-O-P-P-I.”
I laugh, shocked that he remembers me telling him about not getting a photo op with Kerokerokerropi, my then-favorite Sanrio character, when I was fifteen. Not only that, he gets why I’m way more disappointed about Aggretsuko, even though I’m a grown thirty-two-year-old woman now.
I get a little pang in my chest because he’s basically the only person here who knows me well enough to truly understand my disappointment at not being able to see the death metal music-loving red panda. Actually, there might not be anybody else on earth who knows me as well as Victor does.
But then he signs, “We could come back in November if you like. I would arrange it.”
And I remember the baby growing inside of me. The one who, according to the internet, will be the size of an eggplant by the time Aggretsuko’s birthday month comes around. And how fast would this nice guy act disappear if Victor knew what kind of leverage he actually had over me?
I take back my hand and remind him, “We won’t be talking to each other by then. I’ll be getting on with my life, and you won’t be able to come anywhere near me. That’s the whole point of this. Remember?”
Victor’s jaw tightens, but he doesn’t try to take my hand again.
And I try my best to pretend I’m here alone as I play games in Gudetama Land, watch the elaborate Kawaii Kabuki Show, and tour Hello Kitty’s elegantly designed house, all without having to wait in line.
“Maybe, we can go up to the Cinnamoroll Dreamcafe next?” I suggest to the guide I’m pretending is just here for reasons that have nothing to do with my silent tormentor. “I want to try some of those character-themed sweets.”
“Actually, there is an event we must arrive at in a few minutes,” he answers.
He leads us back downstairs to the same theater where the Kawaii Kabuki Show took place. And, oh, my God…
I nearly faint when I see Aggretsuko in full death metal face waving at me from the stage.
The meeting itself is a blur. I blabber, I cry, I hug her way more than is considered socially acceptable in Japan.
I probably would have gone on like that forever if not for our guide holding up his Nikon and asking if I wanted a picture with my favorite Sanrio character of all time (sorry, Kitty-chan).
“Yes, please!” I exclaim, instantly falling into a rock horns pose with the most awesome red panda ever.
The guide takes plenty of photos, just like he did at the meet and greet with Hello Kitty after her house tour. But then he invites Victor to get into one as well.
I'm just about to tell the guide that's not an option when Victor shocks the hell out of me by jumping up on stage to stand on Aggretsuko’s right like it's no big deal.
“What happened to never taking pictures?” I ask from the other side of Aggretsuko. My eyes are wide with shock.
“Your happy. My happy. Exactly the same,” he signs. Then he locks eyes with me and adds, “Still.”
I’m trying…I’m trying so hard not to be affected by any of this. But my heart… It’s beating so fast and confused, I’m afraid it might explode.
I don't realize I'm staring at him until the guide says, “Look at me! Look at me, onegaishimasu!”
I do. So does Victor. We flash victory signs as we give him big smiles.
I don’t even need the picture. I’m never going to forget one moment of this trip to Hello Kitty Land—or as it’s called in Japanese, Sanrio Puroland. That's a guarantee.
But Victor’s words…
“Your happy. My happy. Exactly the same…Still.”
I already wish I could forget them. Because I have a feeling they’re going to haunt me for a really long time.