“Hold up. You're trying to tell me this dude took you all the way to Japan?” Amber asks two days later.
My burner phone, shock of all shocks, did not come with an international calling plan.
So I'm sitting in the kitchen with Luca, Amber, and Daniella, trying to explain why the Friday morning date they thought would only last a few hours ended up going on for over forty-eight. Also, why I arrived with souvenirs and a severe case of jet lag after not only visiting Hello Kitty Land but also staying overnight in my own Hello Kitty-themed room at the Keio Plaza Hotel Tama.
“Yeah, I was really surprised too….” I say, guzzling more coffee. “I'm all turned around, but it was totally worth it.”
“He said sorry and took you to Hello Kitty Land,” Daniella says, her voice breathless and impressed. “That means you forgive him, right?”
I think Luca, Amber, and I were all so excited to talk about my crazy first date that we kind of forgot Daniella was also in the kitchen with us.
We all shift awkwardly in our seats. “It doesn't work like that,” I answer their little girl.
“Uh-huh, it does,” she answers. “Mom says guys apologizing really nice is the only reason she ever loses divorce cases.”
I almost laugh. But I have to let her know, “No matter what amazing things he does for me, it doesn’t make up for the ten years when he was horrible.”
“So you don’t want to forgive him? Even though he introduced you to Aggretsuko?” Daniella asks. She honestly looks perplexed.
“Not only do I not forgive him, but I also shouldn’t forgive him,” I answer, my voice becoming hard. “Really nice gifts do not equal character change.”
Daniella’s shoulders droop, and Luca rubs her back. “Sorry, kid. Not everything can be a happy ending in the adult world.”
But then he looks at me to add, “If that was the first date, where do you think he’s going to take you next time? It’s probably really going to blow your mind.”
Luca’s right. And I don’t like that I’m also excited to find out the answer to that question. Or that when Victor gave me a choice to know in advance on the plane ride home, I once again opted for the surprise.
These dates aren’t real. They’re a means to an end. And somehow, I let myself forget that. But I had to remember how many times he’d played nice before—right before he crushed me under his foot.
So, no….no, forgiveness.
I stand up from the table, suddenly done with talking about Victor.
“I have to stay up until at least nine so that I can get back on this time zone. I think I’ll use those hours to start looking for a job,” I tell the Ferraros.
And when I’m back in the guest house, I find something unexpected inside the exclusive Aggretsuko bag purse I bought at Hello Kitty Land. It’s a slip of paper with a note and a phone number written out in Victor’s super precise handwriting.
“I would like this to be a choice too,” the note says. “If you ever need me or want to talk, do not hesitate to use the number below.”
He finally gave me his direct phone number. How many times had I yearned for these ten digits? How many times did I ask the guards he assigned to me for it over that decade of fake marriage.
I don’t know how to do basic grown up things. My dating game is covered in rust. And I have almost zero work or real-life experience. Because of him.
Meanwhile, I can only imagine all the stuff he got up to as a rich, super unmarried, crime lord over the last ten years. And all the women he must have rotated through while keeping me imprisoned in Rhode Island.
Bitterness fills my stomach up like bile as I stare down at the note he snuck into my new purse. And you know what? Victor’s number goes down the guesthouse’s toilet too.
Then I grab my laptop to start looking for jobs.
The fantasy Victor’s trying to weave isn’t real. But my life after I get rid of him totally is. It’s time to start planning for that reality.
9
DAWN
DAD: “Hey sweet pea. Doll and me have been wondering when you're going to come down for that visit.”
ME: …
DAD: What happened to coming down right after graduation?
ME: …
DAD: I can see you’re reading these. Why aren’t you answering?
ME: Sorry Dad, I’ve been applying for jobs and trying to figure out my life. Maybe next month? Things are really busy up here.
DAD: Byron said that marriage of yours turned out to be a fake.
ME: Wow, he told you about that?
DAD: He said he’s been teaching you how to drive because you’re planning on moving out of that safe house he’s got you at. So I think what you really need to do is come down here and live with us.