She’d already been tired from the shit that went down with the club late last night and from the time spent with Rook after that, but her conversation with Max had drained her past the point of physical and mental exhaustion.
She reached back and curled her fingers around the side of Rook’s freshly shaved head. He covered her hand with his and squeezed.
“You hungry?” he murmured in her ear.
“No.” She wasn’t sure how she could eat with a concrete block lodged in her stomach.
“Brought you loaded fries from Dino’s.”
Her stomach growled at that news. “Maybe I could eat.”
Even so, neither of them moved.
“Guessin’ your meetin’ with your cousin didn’t go well.”
“Ten days on the street. Unpaid.”
At her answer, his muscles tightened against her back. “You told him about us.”
“Yes. He gave me an ultimatum.”
“Fuck,” Rook cursed softly.
He flipped her onto her back and he propped his head in his hand, looking down into her face. Because of the lack of light, his eyes were only dark shadows but she could see how tense his now clean-shaven jawline had become.
“You or my job,” she finished softly, hoping it didn’t start a fresh round of tears.
He stared at her for what had to be the longest minute ever. Other than his tense jaw, his expression remained unreadable. No shock. No disappointment. Nothing. Whatever his reaction was to that news, he hid it well.
Too well.
“I told him I needed time.”
“So, he gave you ten days.” He combed his fingers through the tangled tresses of her hair and breathed, “Sorry, darlin’.”
“Me, too,” she said on a sigh.
“You don’t need time. I ain’t worth losin’ your career over. The choice is easy.”
She pulled herself up onto her elbows. “Don’t say that.”
He tilted his head. “Gotta hear the truth. Hate to say it, really hate to say it, but your cousin’s doin’ the right thing.”
“Giving me an ultimatum?” she asked in surprise.
“He’s doin’ what he think’s best for you.”
“He doesn’t understand.”
“Sure he does. He’s just not blinded by it, darlin’. You are.” He buried his fingers into her hair and made her meet his eyes. “Listen, you can’t throw away your future ‘cause of me.”
“My career isn’t my whole life. I need a life outside of it. A life where I’m allowed to love and be loved.”
“Bein’ a pig’s a big fuckin’ part of it.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” She swore he’d call cops “pigs” to his last dying breath.
“I’m thinkin’ it’s an all or nothin’ thing, Jet. Not soundin’ like he’s gonna let you have one foot in his world and one foot in mine.”
“How is it that Trip is being more reasonable than Max?”
“Not sure if Trip is. Think he’s tryin’ to compromise but maybe that’s not smart on his part. Or… Hell, maybe it is. Maybe he knew you bein’ with me would never fly with your cousin. Maybe he counted on your chief to take care of the problem for him.”
“You’re saying he let Max be the bad cop while he was the good cop? How fucking ironic.”
“Think about it, darlin’, you could be thrown into some really sticky moral shit. There might be days where you gotta pick a side. Ain’t fair to you. And when you’re forced to choose a side, then what? You risk fuckin’ me over or you risk fuckin’ over Max. Max is family, I’m just a fuck.”
Her breath caught. “You’re not just a fuck.”
“Maybe this ultimatum’s the slap upside the head we both needed.”
“You’re not just a fuck!” she insisted loudly. “Stop saying that! Do you think I would’ve ripped myself open to Max today if you were just a fuck?”
“I don’t want you makin’ the wrong decision and regrettin’ it. Don’t ever want you regrettin’ bein’ with me. Thinkin’ if you make the wrong decision you’ll get to the point you do regret it. Maybe not today, but down the road. It won’t hurt as bad now to go our separate ways as it would later. ‘Specially if we have babies.”
Babies? Where did that come from? She couldn’t wrap her head around that idea right now. At the moment, it wasn’t the most dire issue they were currently dealing with.
“What are you saying?” she whispered. She didn’t need him to answer that, she knew exactly what he was saying. “No.” Going their separate ways wasn’t even an option. “No. For once I have something of my own. I have what I want. Not something I did or achieved because I thought it was expected of me. I can’t help who I fell in love with. Should I have to pay a penalty for that?”
“We’re always payin’ in one way or another, darlin’.”
Her heart squeezed painfully. “I’m not giving you up.”
“Jet, I’m the worst fuckin’ person you coulda fallen in love with.”
“No, Charles Manson or Jeffrey Dahmer would’ve been worse. And that’s just two out of a long list.”