Here With Me (Adair Family 1)

“I know. It’s not that … The thing is … if I start giving more of myself to him, then it is going to hurt when he ends it.”

“I think it’s already going to hurt. Which means there’s nothing left to lose in being honest, being yourself. That way, it might not have to end.”

“You know him.”

“I do.” He nodded. “And it’s true he is adamantly against settling down.”

“See—”

“But …” Mac sighed. “Och, I don’t want to say anything out of turn or get your hopes up.”

My pulse leapt. “About?”

“I just … there’s something between you that I’ve never seen between him and another woman.”

I considered the possibility that Mac’s observation had weight and offered, “Yet he’s been distant since the murder.”

“That’s guilt. I know Lachlan. He blames himself.”

I nodded, imagining that was true. But that didn’t account for how he’d pushed me away but kept Lucy close.

“Robyn …” Mac touched my arm. “One of the most magical things about you is your bravery. You follow your gut, and you face your fears because, like you said, you realize the fear of fear itself is much worse than the actual fear. And believe me, regret, too, is so much worse than fear.”

It was the abrupt reminder I needed.

Dad was right.

I had to stop holding myself back from Lachlan and just go for it. Whatever happened, at least I’d know I’d given my entire self to whatever was between us. Yet, there was still that little niggle in my gut. And the last few days, it had only gotten worse.

“I’m not a jealous type,” I prefaced, “but I have to admit, it’s bothering me how much time Lachlan’s spending with Lucy. I know”—I held up my hands to stall his next words—“she’s been through the ringer. But we’re on day seven since the murder, and Lachlan is still spending every second with her and forgetting about everyone else who might need him.”

Like me.

“Is it because it’s Lucy, or would you feel the same if it were anyone?”

“Both. I’d be agitated by his distance during this time if it were anyone, but it’s Lucy and …”

“They have a past.”

“Exactly.” My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I don’t know if this is the kind of thing you talk to your dad about.”

“Let’s just make our own rules.” He nudged me again, expression tender. “And considering I’ve known Lachlan a very long time, I can promise you there’s nothing going on between him and Lucy. If Lachlan wanted her, he’d never have broken off their affair.”

“Maybe her attack has made him realize how he feels about her.” That’s how it seemed, anyway. I knew Lucy had almost died, and I was so thankful she hadn’t, but Lachlan was hovering like a husband who was beside himself with worry.

“I think you need to stop thinking and just ask him. Be honest with him.”

“Honest with him.” My stomach erupted into butterflies at the thought. “Sure. Sounds easy enough.”

* * *

Security met me at the estate gates. For several days, the paparazzi had blocked the entrance with their cars, making it hard to get in and out. The extra security created a perimeter to allow estate staff through.

When the paps queried who I was, Jock informed them I was an estate housekeeper and that had shaken the bastards off my back. But I got a sudden inkling into what life as a famous person might be like, and it was disturbingly claustrophobic.

It was a relief to watch the gates swing closed behind me and the armed security take up position in front of it again. I worried for Lachlan. I didn’t know if members were demanding a return of fee payments, but I did know he was paying staff not to work as well as a shit ton of money for extra security.

I wanted him to talk to me.

He wouldn’t.

Following Mac’s advice, I didn’t lock myself in my bedroom that night as I had the past seven nights. The estate had mostly cleared out, and Lachlan furloughed a number of staff members while the situation remained uncertain. Mac wanted to move back into his cottage but realized, given what had happened to McHugh and Lucy, he and I were safer in the castle. Especially now there were more men and women on the grounds patrolling and manning the security room.

Lachlan was determined no one would get in or out without his team being aware of it this time. Mac told me he’d even demanded Thane, the kids, and Arrochar move onto the estate, but his siblings refused to be sequestered with the rest of us. They accepted the security guards Lachlan put on them, not just for protection against the killer but against the paparazzi who were hounding them too. However, that was as far as they were willing to change their lives during all this.