All Grown Up (Eden High)

There’s no way this isn’t all going to blow up in my face. Someone else out there knows, so it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing comes to light, and what then? I hate that Mandy’s still destroying my family, that she has any kind of hold over us, but what can I do?

Alex hasn’t said anything else about the notes, but I know it’s not over, though I hate to bring it up here. I’m supposed to call mom, but I’m a bit hesitant. I’d missed her call while we were out on the yacht, and she must be worried, but I’m afraid that talking to her would only destroy the peace I’d found here even more than my thoughts were.

I love my mom and my dad as well. But the last few years, I’ve felt more like the parent than the child. I’ve been on pins and needles ever since Mandy got hurt, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the burden has become too much. I know that now, now that I’d spent one whole day of freedom without a care in the world.

Alex, who has been the only bright light in my life for the last little while, seemed to realize each time, my mind would stray to my worries and would go out of his way to steer me back. He thinks I didn’t notice, but how could I not? He’s the most attentive being I know, always seeming to know my moods sometimes better than I.

When I think of him, I remember the fun-loving, carefree boy with the sunshine smile and golden hair, who never seemed to have a worry in the world. It’s for that reason that one of my biggest worries has always been whether or not I was a good fit.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Jace was building his own family made up of his friends and their wives. And the truth is, I was never part of their gang, not until Sian came along and dragged me into the midst of them. Jace has always been kind to me, yes, but I always attributed that to the fact that our moms were once close, way back before I was even born.

But now, it seems like I really am one of them, and the excitement I feel knowing that is insurmountable. It’s like I’m two separate people, the person I am when I’m with him and the girl with the messed up family that’s about to implode.

That’s why I’m stalling, why I don’t want to call home just yet, I don’t want to lose that girl so soon. Though I feel like I’m abandoning my family for a new one, can’t be a little bit selfish just this once? Can’t I hold onto this dreamlike existence for one more day before the ugliness that is life intrudes once again, and things go back to shit?

With Alex, I’ve enjoyed the first bout of true happiness since this all began. He’s the only one that can lift that shroud of darkness from around me. When I’m with him, none of that seems to matter. I feel safe with him, like nothing and no one can touch me, and he’s said as much.

I could feel the last bit of happiness draining away as if it were being snatched away by my little dark secret. I want to blame Mandy. She’d gone after my dad because of her envy of his and my relationship. Something I always found diabolical, to say the least, and so she is. That’s why I’m afraid for Alex to get involved. Who knows what she’d do if she finds out.

Everyone seems to think that things are back to normal now that she’s been put away, but I don’t. After the initial pleasure of seeing her thrown behind bars wore off, I came back down to earth. Things may seem settled on the outside, but I was always waiting, holding my breath, for the other shoe to drop.

Because no one knows better than I how Mandy’s mind works, no one has seen the evil in her the way I have. She’s like a vicious snake that you have to kill with one strike. Otherwise, she’d keep coming back. I know she’s behind those notes. And I know that they’re just the beginning.

But as much as I despise her, the person I blame most is my dad. I was so afraid once I realized that I’d lost all respect for him. My dad and I used to be close before all of this happened. He was my white knight, the male figure I looked up to most and who could do no wrong in my eyes. And the truth is, I never really had a chance to deal with all that had gone down that year.