All Grown Up (Eden High)

My life has been a rollercoaster ride since then until now, until Alex. I know it’s silly to wish for all our days to be like they are here. I know life will eventually intrude, but if we can just hold onto this feeling for a little while longer, I’d be forever grateful.

“What’re you thinking about?” I jumped and looked away from the window where I was still holding the phone as I looked out at the night sky over the ocean. Sian had hung up a while ago, but I was still standing there, deep in thought. Alex walked over to me and lifted my chin with his finger so that he could see into my eyes.

I tried smiling to let him know that I was okay, but for some dumb reason, I started to cry instead. “Why are you crying, baby? Did someone hurt your feelings? Who was on the phone?” He pulled me into his chest, which only made me cry harder. Through tears and unintelligible words, I tried to explain to him what was in my heart.

How I was afraid of going back to real life, afraid that this feeling of immense joy would cease once we go back. “Baby, our joy doesn’t depend on the place; our joy depends on us. No matter where we are in this world, from now on, it’ll be together. You just cry it all out of your system but once you’re done, let that be it.”

“I don’t understand.” I lifted my head to look up at him. He seemed to study me for a while before he took my hand and lead me out to the patio. See what I mean? He even remembered to grab one of his sweaters to pull over my head even though it wasn’t as cool here at night as it is back home.

Once outside, he sat with me on his lap and my head resting on his shoulder. “I know what you’re worried about. I tried really hard to keep those thoughts at bay, but your tears say it didn’t work. I want you to listen to me, Cassie; none of this is your responsibility. That’s the first thing you have to get straight in your head.”

“I know you don’t want to blame your dad, but he’s the one at fault here and your mom to some extent. I read up on postpartum depression, so I’m willing to cut her some slack, but I’m not willing to give her a clean break because you’re hers too. She didn’t even know that you were there that night, does she?”

I almost jumped off his lap. I’d suspected since he took that note from me that he knew more than he let on. “You know about that?”

“Yes, Jace told me a long time ago.” I want to crawl into a hole and die. What must he think of me and my family? “Stop that. I told you, none of this is on you.” Now he’s reading my thoughts.

“But I know there’s going to be trouble, Alex, those notes… I was there that night, and I didn’t say anything to the cops, and my mom…”

“I know, baby, but what is it that you’re afraid of?”

“I’m afraid I’ll go to jail; I know my mom would, and maybe my dad too. I don’t know what he did that night when he went to see Mandy.”

“I won’t let that happen. Though your dad pisses me off, for you, I won’t let either of them get caught in Mandy’s trap. She didn’t die that night, so let’s look at it as she got what she deserved for all the shit she’s done. As for you going to jail, not a chance in hell.”

ALEX

I knew that shit would catch up to her at some point. At least she got to spend the whole day being happy before reality snuck up on her. I, too, had put all of that darkness behind me so I could give her a day to remember. I still don’t want her stressing over that shit, though. I didn’t know she thought like that, that she was walking around with fears of being incarcerated in her head.

Maybe I should’ve told her that I knew; that way, I could’ve shouldered the burden for her. I fucked up there. I thought I was protecting her somehow by not telling her I knew. She’s so tender-hearted I knew that me knowing would make her climb back into her shell. “You know I’ve known it all along, and it didn’t stop me from loving you. Whenever you get scared, just remember that.”

“Not only me, but Jace and the others are working hard on coming up with something to protect you and your family. So stop worrying for me, okay.”

“But what can they do? We don’t even know who’s been leaving those notes or how many people she told.”