I’d told my mom all about Ryan after Grant’s heart attack. “Yeah.”
“He must like you if he threatened Derek’s life.” She leveled me with an inquisitive gaze, letting me know that I wasn’t getting away without talking about this. But that was why I’d insisted on coming here in the first place. I needed her opinion.
“He’s made that pretty clear. But I think I ruined any chance I might have had.”
“What do you mean? What did you do?”
Swirling the ice inside my glass, I avoided my mom’s question for as long as I could until she cleared her throat and tapped a foot on the floor. Giving her what she wanted, I said, “He didn’t know about Matson.”
“He was mad when he found out?” she asked, jumping to the wrong conclusion, although I didn’t blame her. Most guys in the past hadn’t reacted well when they learned I had a kid.
“No. He wasn’t mad at all. He was happy, actually.”
Mom’s widening smile brightened her whole face. “He was happy. Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s just that. Well, I told him every time he asked me out that he wasn’t the kind of guy I was looking for. That he wasn’t my type. And today, when he put two and two together . . .” I paused, knowing she’d finish my thought for me.
“He was hurt?”
I nodded. “He was most definitely hurt. And angry.”
“Anger is still hurt. They come from the same place.”
“I know. But I’m not sure he’ll forgive me.”
Mom clucked her tongue. “What happened, exactly?”
I searched my mind for the memory. Considering all the adrenaline that had been pumping through me on the playground, I probably wasn’t remembering everything clearly.
“He found out about Matson. He said he was more interested in me, and then he said that I was less. And that was why I’d pushed him away all this time. Then he got really mad and took off.”
“He has every right to be upset,” my mom said, her sympathy for Ryan making me feel even worse.
I looked down at the glass in my hand and closed my eyes for a second. “I know he does. I was wrong to judge him before I even knew him.”
“So, why did you? You don’t normally do that, so I’m surprised.” She paused before adding, “And curious why you did with him.”
I’d been asking myself those same questions since I’d run into Ryan at the hospital. Why had I been so adamant on shutting him out? Why had I refused to give him a chance with me? It was deeper than all the standard reasons I usually had in those situations, that much was certain.
“I think I was scared,” I said softly.
A sympathetic smile spread across my mom’s face, but she said nothing. The silence stretched out as she waited for me to continue, but I knew that she understood. She had been with me since the day I found out I was pregnant, and every moment in between.
She knew how hard it was for me to be a single mom, and how tricky it was for me to date. It eventually seemed easier to avoid the potential heartache altogether, and up until Ryan, no guy had tried hard enough to break down the walls I’d put up to protect myself. To me, that was just further proof that each guy wasn’t the right one. I’d convinced myself that the right one would stay. That he would fight for me.
“I assumed Ryan wasn’t the right kind of guy to have in our life.”
“Because he owns a bar?” she asked, sounding surprised.
“In par
t, yes. Being a bartender is a certain kind of lifestyle, one that I didn’t want to be a part of. Mom, you’ve never seen the way women throw themselves at him. It’s like he’s royalty or something, and he’s so flirtatious back.”
My mom put up a hand to stop me. “Sofia, it’s not Ryan’s fault if women throw themselves at him. I’m assuming he’s a good-looking guy and he’s single. So, of course they’d try. And just because he’s flirtatious doesn’t mean he means it. It could all be part of his job. The more flirtatious he is, the better the money he makes, I’d bet.”
“But I don’t want a guy who acts like that.”
“Remember, mija, he’s single. He’s never had a reason not to.”