Crap. She had a point. A good one. I hated that sometimes.
Mom leveled a serious look on me. “I think you should head on over to that bar and apologize.”
“Now?”
“Right now. Before too much time passes and he starts thinking that maybe you were right. That maybe he wasn’t the kind of guy who would be good for you.”
“He still may not be,” I said, not entirely convinced. The truth was that I still didn’t know Ryan any better than I did yesterday. I only knew that my having a son hadn’t scared him off. Which was a huge plus.
“He may not be, but he deserves a shot. And you deserve to know the truth. At least if you rule him out, let there be a real reason for it. Not something you made up in your mind.”
My adrenaline started pumping as nerves shot through me. What if he hated me and didn’t want to talk? What if I’d ruined everything?
“Okay, but wait. Matson—”
“Will be fine. I’ll watch him. Go. You owe that man an apology, and you need to give it to him while he’ll still listen. Men are sensitive creatures, believe it or not. Sometimes underneath all that bravado and machismo is a boy who wants to be loved.”
I jumped down from the counter and searched for Matson to tell him I wouldn’t be long.
“Where are you going, Mama?”
“I need to go talk to Ryan. I won’t be late, but you’re going to stay here while I’m gone, okay?”
“Okay. Tell him I said hi, and I hope he’ll still eat with us.” Matson leaned toward me, cupping his hands around his mouth as he whispered, “But don’t tell him we got the chips and salsa without him tonight. He might be sad.”
I suppressed a giggle. “I won’t. Be good for Nana and Papa.”
My mom walked me out, rubbing a hand down my back for support. At the front door, I stopped and turned to face her.
“What do I say when I see him?”
“Start with a little honesty. And then maybe make out with him or show him your boobs.”
“Mom!”
She chuckled. “I’m joking, but just tell him the truth. And you need to be honest with yourself as well. You can’t let fear rule your life. Sooner or later, you need to let someone in. Matson deserves a good man in his life to look up to. And you deserve a man who loves and respects you.”
Tears pricked my eyes, but I blinked hard to keep them from falling. I wasn’t tearing up about Ryan exactly, but my mom’s words had struck a nerve.
I hadn’t realized I’d been shoving down my own wants and needs for so long. I’d practically given up on the idea of ever being with someone, and I’d thought I was okay with that.
Apparently, I wasn’t okay with it at all.
“Wish me luck,” I called out as I walked toward my car.
Mom stood on the porch and waved. “You won’t need it.”
She was so convincing, I found myself wishing I had half the confidence she had in me right now.
Apologies
Ryan
As Sofia approached where I worked the bar, her body language seemed confident but her eyes betrayed her uncertainty. She was a walking contradiction, and I assumed I must look the same.
“Angel,” Grant said, interrupting the conversation our eyes were having.
She blinked twice, breaking the spell, and turned to him. “Hi, Grant.” She gave him a hug and a genuine smile. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.”