Until the Last Breath

He drapes a muscular arm around my shoulders, turning for the kitchen where I’m sure Tessa is. “Trust me, that corny shoulder bounce was worth paying for.”

We pull up to an ice cream parlor close to uptown Charlotte.

I’m technically not supposed to eat ice cream, but my husband is gone and I am in need of a sweet pick me up like this. I dive into my cookies and cream ice cream as soon as it’s handed to me, licking off the spoon after each bite.

“Ohmagod.” My mouth is full and cold but I am not complaining. “This is so good. It’s been so long since I’ve had ice cream.”

“Do you even remember the last time you had it?” Tessa asks, biting into her strawberry shortcake sundae.

“I honestly can’t even remember.” I take another bite, the crunchy, chocolaty goodness of the cookies smothering my taste buds. “But I swear I can taste everything right now. You know what? Screw the chocolate, Tessa. From now on, sneak me some ice cream.”

“You got it, lady,” she laughs.

“Why aren’t you allowed to have it anyway?” Max asks, biting into his hotdog. “Everyone deserves a little ice cream here and there.”

I shrug one shoulder. “Dr. David, my old doctor, swore it would mess with how the OPX works.” I glance down at my jetpack. “I think he was just being over the top. Other than not being able to do a lot of strenuous activity, no one really knows what will be okay and what won’t with OPX since it’s such a new treatment. Like the whole chocolate and sweets thing.” I point my red spoon at Tessa but keep my eyes on him. “Dr. David swore that it would harm me—cause an upset stomach if it got mixed with the treatment. Well, Tessa snuck me a whole bar one night, I ate half of it, and I was fine. I think as long as I eat stuff in moderation, it’s okay. I even asked Dr. Barad about the whole sweets and OPX thing and he said he’d never heard of such a thing.”

“So, you like your new doctor, then?” Max inquires.

“Way better.”

“I love him too,” Tessa adds. “She has so much more energy now. Whatever prescription he gave her is fucking amazing. This is the most energy I’ve seen in her in weeks. He doesn’t sedate her, which I like. Dr. David constantly had an IV in her arm. He’s a good doctor, but he wasn’t a good fit for Shannon.” Tessa huffs a laugh and looks at me. “Maybe that’s why John didn’t want you home. Because he knew you’d be off the IV’s and free to do whatever you want.”

I smile. “Yeah, I bet he wishes I was on them right now. That way he’ll know for sure that I’m not going to do anything crazy.”

“What, did he make you promise not to do anything crazy?” Max asks, picking up his drink, smiling.

“After what happened at the park, of course, he did.”

“Does he really think the worst will happen?”

Tessa is quiet as she meets my eyes. She already knows the answer to that question.

“It’s not that he thinks the worst will happen,” I mutter. “It’s that he knows it will happen sooner or later.” I look down at my nearly empty cup, pressing my lips.

It’s quiet amongst us for several seconds, then Tessa’s phone vibrates on the table.

“Oh—it’s Danny!” She hops up and rushes away, walking to my white Lexus. I know she’s glad to be saved from the awkwardness.

“Okay, so the man is protective and all, but…I suppose I get it. And that I’m a little jealous of it.” Max sits by my side, exhaling as he focuses on the wooden tabletop. “We can’t pretend that it won’t happen. Life is fucked up. We all know that.”

“Yeah…”

“So if he’s afraid that his wife will pass away while he’s not around, it makes sense.”

“Exactly. Now you can see why I was upstairs in my bedroom soaking the sheets with my tears. That’s the very thing I’m afraid of. I don’t want him away, but I also don’t want to hold him back from his dreams. It’s not his fault I’m sick and can’t go there, you know?”

“True.”

I inhale, then exhale slowly and it stings my lungs.

A little girl walks by, pointing at me as she licks away at the ice cream stacked on her cone. Max frowns at the little girl as the mother hurries away with her, scolding her daughter as she puts her in the car in her booster seat.

I huff a laugh. It’s hard to be offended when people point and stare anymore. I know what I look like with these tubes in my nose. “I probably look like a zombie from The Walking Dead right now.”

“Not at all,” Max says casually. “She’s probably just never seen anyone with the tubes in public.” He turns to look at me, sweeping his gaze up and down.