I glanced over at Aspyn, who was watching Perri with a smile on her face. Carl was right. I could taste the future with Aspyn, but I wanted to keep half-assing things, waiting for the right time. It’d been 10 years and then three years after that. There was no right time.
No wonder Aspyn had freaked out on me. Until I could show the kind of boldness Carl did, I didn’t deserve a woman like her.
Chapter 25
Aspyn
Sunday was pretty sleepy compared to the wild ride on Saturday. By the time we had gotten done celebrating, we’d all had more than a little alcohol in us to sleep off. Fortunately, I didn’t have a hangover when I went to church, but I could have gone for a few more hours of sleep as well.
Not that I was complaining, mind you. The Lord only asked a few hours one day of the week, not too much to ask, and it was bad planning that had led me to stay up so late.
After I got home from church, I spent most of the day playing with Kadie and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my best friend was now engaged.
It was still hard for me to believe Perri was engaged. On one hand, it made perfect sense, as she and Carl had been a thing for half our lives, but they fought so much.
But what was love, really? It wasn’t all snuggling and happiness all the time. Real relationships took work and had dark patches even among the brightest of times.
We’d chatted a little on and off Monday about it, but Perri was still taking all of it in herself. From what I could tell, even though she was deliriously happy about the whole thing, she’d been taken completely off-guard. So, unlike a lot of women who got engaged, she’d not made up any plans, and somehow, despite dating Carl on and off for over a decade, she’d not even managed to think anything about what she wanted out of a future wedding.
Not that I was any better. I’d spent 10 years basically pining for Alex Kline, finally hooking up with him, and then not hearing from him for three years. Now, even though he was back, I was too afraid to open up to him.
I didn’t know what we had together or even what we could have together if I could stop being afraid.
Those kinds of thoughts clouded my head all through Monday night, all the way until Kadie’s bedtime.
I was sitting in my living room, thinking about relationships, love, and Perri, when a light knock came from my door.
I frowned, wondering who it could be. My heart didn’t race or anything. Home invasions and that sort of thing just didn’t happen in a town like Livingston.
Opening the door revealed the person I both wanted to see and didn’t expect to see: Alex. He held a glass bottle in his hand.
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
I glanced at the bottle. Boone’s Farm.
“Seriously?” I said. “That is what you show up with? What? Did you find some quarters in your couch and decide to pick something up along the way?”
He held up the bottle with a grin. “Just like when we were in high school.”
I laughed quietly. He was right. I remembered sneaking more than a few bottles of Boone’s Farm back in the day. We had a friend at the store who’d sell it to us, even though he damn well knew we weren’t old enough.
“We have better taste now, and better jobs,” I said. “You could do a lot better.”
“Booze is booze. We all drink it for the same reason in the end.” He winked. “I’ve seen some of the crap you drink at the Mustang. It’s not all exactly fancy wine. So it costs three dollars a bottle instead of two.”
We locked eyes, an expectant look crossing his face. I knew I should send him away, that him being there would bring nothing but trouble, especially since I couldn’t get my head on straight.
We weren’t like Perri and Carl. We hadn’t been dating on and off for our entire adult lives. We really only shared a few nights of passion. I tried to keep that in mind. Tried to use that to stay strong and protect my heart.
“Why are you even here?” I said softly, averting my gaze.
“That’s no mystery.”
“Oh?”
“To drink some Boone’s Farm.” He chuckled. “Relive some old times, maybe.”
“I’m serious,” I snapped. “I don’t have times for games. Not anymore. The past is the past, and I have to worry about the future, especially now that I have a daughter.” I closed my eyes and sucked in the chilly night air. “I get that you want to be part of Kadie’s life, but …”