“But what?” Alex said, his tone suddenly serious.
“Just tell me why you’re here,” I all but cried. “Please.”
“I’m tired of fighting it,” he said. “Tired of pretending that I don’t want you. Tired of pretending I didn’t want you all those years I was gone, even before the reunion. Tired of telling myself that if I wait long enough, it’ll be the right time.”
I shook my head. “Why are you saying all this now?”
“Because Carl taught me the other day that he’s more of a man than I’ll ever be.” Alex let out a rueful chuckle. “He manned up and did what he needed to do. If Perri and Carl can make it work, then why can’t we?” He shrugged. “I get it. We both made some mistakes, but I want to try.”
I opened the door, my heart pounding. I didn’t know why for sure. I was still as conflicted over the whole thing as ever, but there was something about the way he looke
d at me, his eyes so full of hunger and desire like I was a delicious dessert he wanted to gobble up.
I’d missed feeling like a woman instead of just a mom. Missed being wanted like that. Was it selfish? Was it so wrong?
“We can go talk in the back,” I said. “Have to leave the door open, though, so I can hear Kadie in case she wakes up.”
Alex nodded slowly and stepped inside with his cheap wine. I grabbed a blanket folded up on the couch and waved for him to follow. It was too chilly to sit outside directly on the cold surface of my back porch.
What the hell I was thinking? Inviting Alex in was dangerous. Way too dangerous. I was letting him into my home without even my daughter or my mama as a wall to hide behind.
I led Alex out back, and I set up the blanket on the porch. It was a clear night with no real moon. The stars hung in the sky, painting the night in their ancient patterns.
It’d been a long time since I just looked up at the stars, one of those beautiful, awe-inspiring things that everyone takes for granted.
Alex unscrewed his fine bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill. I didn’t have any glasses with us, but he probably figured we’d do what we used to do: take turns sipping off the bottle.
He gulped down some wine, and then he handed me the bottle. I sipped some of the overly sweet alcohol and laughed. I couldn’t say I loved the taste, but damn if it wasn’t like nostalgia pouring down my throat.
“I haven’t had Boone’s in years,” I said. “I can’t even remember the last time.”
“Me neither.”
“Do you think it’ll work?”
Alex looked over at me. “What? Boone’s Farm can still get us plenty drunk. Trust me.”
I laughed. “No, not the Boone’s Farm. I meant Perri and Carl.”
“Why wouldn’t it? They both love each other. Isn’t that what you need in the end for a marriage to work? That and knowing each other, and those two know each other.”
I sighed and took another sip of the wine before setting the bottle down and lying on my back to stare up at the twinkling stars. “It’s just weird. I guess I got so used to them being hot and cold and always breaking up that the fact they are now going to get married is kind of scary.”
“Life is scary,” Alex said. “Do you know about my nightmares?”
“Carl mentioned them when you first got into town.”
“It’s one of the reasons I came here. Even sleep wasn’t a relief, you know?” Alex picked up the bottle and gulped down several mouthfuls of wine. “But since I’ve been here, I’ve barely had any. Not saying I’m cured, but obviously, this place is good for me. The people here have been good for me.”
“What people?”
Alex lowered the bottle, his gray eyes boring into my soul. Maybe it was the two-dollar wine in me, but I couldn’t help but lick my lips, taking in the blond strands hanging over that handsome face of the fit man sitting in front of me. His short sleeves revealed those strong arms that had already helped bring me so much pleasure before.
“I already said why I’m here, Aspyn,” he said. “If you weren’t here, I’d never have come back.” He shrugged. “My biggest mistake was leaving you. No, my biggest two mistakes were leaving you before and then leaving you after the reunion.”
“I don’t know that I can be what you need, Alex,” I whispered. “I’m just me.”
He scooted toward me, hunger and fire in his eyes. “And it’s not like I ever asked for more than that.”