“Come inside. Let’s talk about what happened.”
It was weird; I hated Mike and liked him all at the same time. He pushed me farther than I wanted to go, but when I followed his lead, I always felt better in the end. Mike understood that I didn’t want to yell or be rude to people; he understood that I just couldn’t control myself sometimes. But most of all he didn’t scold me when I lost control; he was one hell of a counselor. When I had him around, I could think things through and see more clearly than when I was trying to do it on my own.
“Were they angry with me?” I said as I walked into Mike’s office.
“Do you think they should be angry with you?”
“Yes, they drove all the way out here and I just yelled at them and was rude.”
“They were concerned for you. Not angry. Do you understand the difference?”
“I should call them and apologize,” I said as I finally looked up at Mike.
“I don’t think it’s necessary. They are your friends. They understand. Why not work on getting yourself ready to discharge next week? Are you comfortable with going to stay with Nathan at his cabin?”
It was really weird, but I felt more comfortable with the idea of staying with Nate than I had with Jordan. I couldn’t even remember Nate speaking a single word to me, but I distinctly remembered feeling safe with him. Of course, I was still shaking and a mess at the idea of leaving the treatment facility.
“He rescued me. I think I will feel safe there.”
“You know, Jordan and Chase rescued you too, and Jordan is your best friend, but you didn’t seem to feel safe with them in the room.”
Damn Mike and his psychological nonsense. I couldn’t deny that I had exploded, but I certainly wouldn’t do that with Nate. Or would I? Shit, I really didn’t know at all. I didn’t trust myself a single bit. I had no idea how I would behave around Nate because I hadn’t seen him since the night we all came home on the airplane.
“Well, help me. Get me ready so I don’t explode into a crazy woman when he comes to get me. I do think it will be nice in the woods away from everyone and I don’t want to ruin that.”
Mike just smiled at me. He knew me well enough to understand how to help me, even when I didn’t know how to help myself. I trusted him and our ability to work together to figure out how I could overcome the thoughts that were so constantly running through my brain.
“It’s going to be a long week. But I think we can get you ready to go home.”
Home: that was a funny word to me. I really hadn’t had a home in months. For the first time, in a very long time, I looked at my hands and they weren’t shaking. The idea of having a place I could call home was really exciting and something I was willing to work hard for. I wasn’t going to yell at Nate or do anything that would make him regret offering me a place to stay. Whatever I had to do, I was going to have a place I could call home.
Chapter Two
NATE
I wanted to go see Ana. God only knows how badly I wanted to go with Chase and Jordan to see her. But from what Jordan had told me, Ana was still in the midst of some pretty intense post-traumatic stress and she didn’t even know who I was. To Ana, I was nobody. Sure, she knew I was Chase’s brother and she knew I had helped with the rescue of her and the other women. But Ana didn’t know me, and I didn’t want to add to her fears by imposing on her.
Most of my life, I hadn’t worried too much about other people and their feelings, unless I was being paid to keep them safe. In my job, sure, I cared if someone felt unsafe of if they needed me to do something a certain way for them. But I didn’t care like that in real life.
Maybe I hadn’t been around a woman who was right for me before and that was why I hadn’t felt like I needed them to feel safe. But whenever I thought about Ana, I wanted her to feel safe and I wanted her to know that I would do anything in my power to help her have that safe feeling.
I had nightmares about what I envisioned Ana had gone through at the hands of Stephano. I could only hope that my nightmares were worse than what really happened to her, but I had no idea. I didn’t even think that Jordan knew yet what had really happened while Ana was forced to be with Stephano.
Plus, I have always had a tendency to be a giant ass. It was part of my nature, and as much as I tried to calm my ass down and behave myself, I always went back to my old ways. It had taken me months to learn to watch my mouth around Jordan. My natural tendency was to let a beautiful woman know just how much she turned me on. It was a cockiness that I fell back on whenever I met women. They liked it. I had spent many nights with women after openly saying what was on my mind. But I couldn’t be like that around Ana; I knew this and it scared the crap out of me. My sarcasm and forwardness were just part of me—a part that I couldn’t show around someone as delicate as Ana.
It was hard to get back to my normal life after everything that had gone down while rescuing Ana, which was really unusual for me. Being a Navy Seal, I had learned to control my emotions and stay focused. Ana had totally thrown off my focus. I couldn’t stop worrying about her, thinking about her, wondering if I should reach out to her. But I wasn’t confident that I could keep my mouth under control around her just yet. Jordan told me Ana didn’t remember much about her rescue and I knew I had to try and stop thinking about her. Ana hadn’t felt that chemistry like I had.
“Nate, you’re starting to look like a lumberjack,” Chase said as he walked up the steps to my cabin.
“No need to look like a normal person out here. No one to impress.”
“Well, we just talked to Ana, and she’s on board with coming to stay with you when she leaves. You should clean up,” Jordan said.
“What? I thought you said she didn’t remember me?”
“I think she does a little. Anyways, she agreed it was the best place for her. Your place is secluded and quiet. Just give her a room and make sure there is food here. She just needs some time to relax. You can take jobs and travel; she’ll be fine here.”
“How is she doing?” I asked, full of trepidation.