I wanted to just wave my hands over Ana and make everything she had been through disappear for her. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through and I didn’t want to have to imagine it. I just wanted her to feel better.
“She’s doing really well,” Jordan responded as she looked at Chase.
It was a telltale sign that she was lying. Every time I called and asked how Ana was doing, or we talked about her, the answer was always the same. I didn’t know if they were just trying to keep the truth from me or if she really was doing well, but I did know that Jordan was keeping something from me at that moment.
Part of my military training involved facial expressi
on recognition. It was fascinating to learn how the micro expressions of our face can give away absolutely everything. You can tell when someone likes you, if they are attracted to you, if they are lying—all through the way their face reacts, before their conscious mind tells them how to react.
I had used my skills at clubs to pick up women for many years, but they were valuable in other areas for sure. Many of the skills I learned in the military were valuable in other areas of my life. My physical fitness that had been required of me in the military was also what kept me sane during my down time. I loved working out in the gym I’d built for myself in a shed in my backyard. My ability to deal with alone time in a positive way was also something I gained in the military. I had so little alone time during those years that I cherished it even more when I finally got it.
But I hated being lied to. Especially since I was going to have Ana at my house. I needed to know what the heck was going on with her or I wasn’t going to be any use to her at all. I hated going into situations blind and wanted to avoid that as much as possible. I preferred going into a situation with my eyes open to what exactly I was in for. I didn’t care what the reality was, only that I knew the truth and could prepare for it.
It was the same with my current contracting job. Sure, we were often sent to jobs without proper intelligence information and without proper equipment, but if I knew that was going to be the case ahead of time, then I was prepared to deal with that right when we arrived. Being knowledgeable about a situation was much more important to me than having everything be perfect. Perfection had always been a myth to me.
“Jordan, if Ana is going to come here, I need to know the truth. How is she doing?”
There was a long, awkward silence as I looked from Chase to Jordan and back to Chase again. He knew I didn’t like important information being left out, and I knew he could see that I wasn’t happy with what was going on right at that moment.
“Man, she isn’t doing well,” Chase admitted.
“Chase!”
“What? She’s jumpy and shaking all the time. She yells at you for no reason and then hugs you so hard I don’t think she will ever let you go. We have to be honest with him, Jordan. She’s not doing well. I see where Nate’s coming from and I want him to have all of the information before he makes his decision on if she should come stay with him.”
“Don’t listen to him, Nate. She’s doing better and better each time we are there. She let us visit with her this time, and she’s just going to need some time. Ana made it through the hard part. The detox is over and she just has to deal with the mental aftermath of everything. That’s why here will be so good for her.”
“I don’t know. I’m not really the lovey-dovey type. I’m used to going out to the bars and picking up women. I can’t have her sitting around the house when I come home and ruining my game with the ladies. Is she going to need twenty-four hour supervision?”
The way Jordan and Chase were talking, it sounded like Ana was much sicker than I thought she would be. But it was a total lie when I said I was going out to the clubs. I used to go around picking up women, but not anymore. I hadn’t felt like heading into town and going on the prowl for months. Renovations around my cabin had been consuming my time and I hadn’t had any contracting jobs that I felt compelled to accept. Not enough money, bad location, crew I didn’t want to work with: there were plenty of reasons that I had refused jobs. Luckily, I had the financial stability to do what I liked when it came to my work. Sure, if I was ever going to start my own protection business, I was going to have to get back in the game, but not just yet. I wasn’t interested.
“Well, we already told her she could come here. So, maybe you should go visit her and discuss things,” Jordan said with her sweet smile. “I think you two will get along great. I saw that chemistry between you guys when we flew home to Atlanta.”
What Jordan didn’t understand was that in those initial hours after the event with Stephano, Ana was still in shock. Sure, we talked a little and I felt chemistry between us, but Ana was just trying to survive minute by minute at that point in her life.
I knew exactly what Chase saw in Jordan, though. Jordan was brilliant and ravishingly beautiful, but if that wasn’t enough, she was also extremely caring toward others. I already loved her like a sister and couldn’t imagine Chase not having her in his life. She really had helped turn him around and practically saved our family business. Chase had been a rebel who wasn’t interested in running the family business and our father was about to give it to some shmuck who worked for him. Luckily, that didn’t happen, and Chase and Jordan had the company running stronger than it ever had.
“I’ll try to make some time to go see her.”
“Make some time? Nate, you’re not working and have enough time to grow out your beard as if you’re in some old western. Get up there and talk to her before she comes to stay with you. It will put you both at ease.”
“Since when did you become the big brother around here?” I asked him with a stern look.
“I don’t know, but I blame Jordan for this new responsible side.”
Chase and I both laughed at how the roles in our brotherly relationship had twisted and turned over the years. Chase had been the troublemaker, the one who no one ever thought would stop partying, and I had been the responsible brother. Joining the Navy Seals with Jackson, taking on high-risk jobs as a contractor afterwards were all part of my taking on responsibility in life. But as I sat there looking at Chase, I felt like he had his life together and I was floundering to figure out where I fit.
“I’m really not the babysitting type. Chase can tell you. Did you tell Jordan what happened when I was supposed to babysit you as a kid?”
“She doesn’t need a babysitter, Nate, she needs a friend,” Chase said without hesitation.
The anxiety that was building up in my body was something I had become very familiar with over the years. It started in the tips of my fingers and I felt it move up my arms and to my chest. This is where I would remove myself from a situation and avoid whatever it was that was giving me the feeling of being out of control.
Handling stress in a war zone was so much easier than handling stress back home though. There were many situations that I could remove myself from, like grocery stores and shopping malls, and there were many situations where I needed to sit through the anxiety and try and find a way to deal with it, like having Jordan at my house. The emotions of dealing with people who cared about me were much harder to navigate than just shooting at an enemy.
“Okay, whatever. I’ve got things to finish,” I said as I stood up from the table and walked out the door.
I needed a break from our conversation. For me, it was better to get up and take a break than to let myself get too out of control. There was a fine line with this and it had taken me years to learn when to stay and when to get out of a conversation; I knew Ana would be going through something similar as she recovered.