"I didn't mean like that. I meant that—” she said.
"I know what you meant. Don't worry about it." I took her empty coffee cup from her and took it to the kitchen. Don't take personal offense, I thought. She's basically saying she'd do you again in a second but can't because she thinks it's wrong. It all came back to timing, didn't it? This was the worst time that we could have met, tried to do anything. The best thing you can do at this point is to try not to jerk your dick ‘til it falls off before she leaves.
She got up from the couch and said she had to go back outside. She had actually transferred all her stuff to her car, thinking she'd be able to get far during her escape attempt. I offered to help her, but she declined, saying she had it. I watched her disappear outside the door and walked over to look outside. The snow didn't look like it had gotten worse, but it hadn't really gotten better. The roads were still impassable. She'd really try brave inches of snow in her sedan to get away from me?
The thought slipped through unchecked. I knew from what she had said that that wasn't the case, but it was an easy conclusion to jump to. I had at least a few more days with her before she could leave. It would be better for everyone if I didn't take what she had said personally.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Natalie
We stood on the road, looking at m
y car. It was trapped in a bank of snow on the side of the road. The snow hid the ditch that had trapped my front driver's side wheel. Without that ditch, I might have careened right into the trees, so it could have been worse, I guessed.
"So what do you think?" I asked.
"We're lucky it hasn't snowed these past couple nights," he offered. Not something that would help get the car out, but he had a point. My car was covered with a light dusting of snow, most of which I figured had fallen from the branches of the trees. The snow and ice on the road were probably navigable by Cameron's truck, but I'd have more trouble. Meanwhile, we were standing outside in the cold while there was a warm fire inside.
"I'm hungry. You want to eat?"
"Once we get your car out."
"It's not going anywhere," I said, trying to get out of the task. I didn't want to spend any more time in the snow, but I also didn't really want to think about leaving. I wasn't leaving, not yet, but the weather had been getting better lately. All that better meant up here was we hadn't had another blizzard, and the snowfall had been little to zero the past couple days. The cover had cleared enough to roughly make out the road whereas before, it had been impossible to see under the snow.
We had contacted a snow removal service the day before, and they had told us it would take another day to get out this far. That was how long I had: one more day. Leaving had been at the back of my mind, but now that it was actually about to happen, I wasn't that enthusiastic about getting back on the road.
The past couple days since the incident that had gotten my car stuck in the snow bank had been good. They had been nice, you know, casual and respectful, no sharing beds or sharing anything else. Just a lot of hot cocoa and good conversation; what we had had before the night that I had made the worst mistake of my life. Maybe not of my life, but definitely the worst mistake I could have made being in the position that I had been in. He had been a saint, not bringing it up again, but I felt it hang over us sometimes. That must have been my own fault, but I couldn't help it.
There was this thing people said about how denying your urges just making them worse. Cameron and I, just by being stuck up here with only each other for company, had formed a fast friendship. I was attracted to him, and he was to me; letting go and letting it happen again would have just deepened that. If he wasn’t my late boss’ son and it hadn’t been merely weeks since his loss, I wouldn’t have held back. I would touch him and let him touch me, kiss him, everything I ached to do, but knew I shouldn’t. I liked Cameron Porter. I liked him more than it was right to admit, and I would miss him when I was gone.
"Not until we get it out," he said. "Do you have your key?" I nodded, handing it over to him. "I'll see whether I can drive it out. If not, we can try to hitch it to my truck to get it unstuck." Or we could just have skipped to his second, better idea and bypassed the first one completely. The way the car was lodged, the ice would only make the tires spin. There wouldn't be enough traction to get the car out on its own, but I kept quiet.
He hadn't had to do a lot of the things he had been doing here in his normal life, and he had learned his survival skills fast. He had the right idea anyway so it would be no use correcting him. He had gotten confident out here on his own, and I didn't want to take that away from him. He deserved it. He'd need it if he was as set on staying here as he seemed to be.
Okay, great. You're leaving tomorrow. Anything you need to tell the man before you leave? I thought, watching him start my car and try to drive it out of the ditch unsuccessfully. You know, like all that stuff Brett actually sent you up here to say to him in the first place?
I watched him come out of the car and jog up to me.
"No luck?"
"No. Gonna have to try to use my truck to haul it out," he said.
"Sorry for all the trouble," I said.
"It's no problem," he paused with a smirk, "as long as we can get it out."
No. I wasn't saying it. I wasn't ruining my last full day here with him telling him about work. It was the last thing he wanted to hear about. I'd probably be the one who would have to remind him, but damn it, not right now. When? I didn't know anymore. I'd have Brett to answer to for stalling, but I'd handle that when I got back to work.
"What if we can’t?" I asked.
"Then you're stuck out here, aren't you," he said, joking. "It's firewood splitting and elk hunting for you all over again. You're still a good shot, right?"
"I think both of us know good and well that you’ve never fired a rifle in your life," I said lightly, letting the thought of staying up here with him warm me a little. Just a little. I was not trying to get back to nature, but I did like the thought of staying with him longer. Even if it was out here in the cold, mountainous wilderness. I stopped myself before I got carried away.
He gave me my keys and went inside for his. It took a while, but we finally freed my car from the snowbank. It took a couple tries, but we finally managed it, pulling my car out from the rear so I could drive it back up to the house. After we had done it, I thought for a second what I would have done, really, if I had been able to make my escape the morning I had panicked and tried to get away.
Most likely, turned right around and came back.