I know that she cries for herself.
Because Mallory has lost so very much in her short life.
I stroke her hair and press my lips to her cheek.
“It’s going to be okay,” I promise.
“No,” she squeaks through the tears. “It’s not.”
“I know it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be fine, but this is just another thing you’ll get through.”
“That’s all I’m doing,” she tells me. Her tears slow, and she sniffles loudly. “All I’m doing is getting through, Aaron. That’s all I do. I get up, I go to work, and I go to the club. That’s it. That’s my life. It’s all just...surviving.”
“So you don’t feel like you’re really living,” I murmur.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I don’t.”
“What are you afraid of, Mallory?”
“Everything,” she whispers.
“Tell me.”
I hold her for a long time, and for a minute, I think she’s not going to. That’s okay. This was just our first time together. We have plenty of time to get to know one another now, as adults. There’s going to be lots of time we can spend with one another.
But she surprises me with her bravery and her fierceness. She surprises me with her courage because she looks up at me and she tells me.
“I’m afraid that I missed out on you, and I’m afraid that I let my brother down, and I’m afraid that everything that happened to him was my fault entirely.”
I let the words hang in the air for a very long time, and then I pull her close once again.
Well, shit.
Chapter Eleven
Mallory
I don’t know if he was expecting my brazen confession.
I definitely wasn’t expecting it.
Yeah, I knew the guy was a Daddy Dom, but I didn’t expect him to top me tonight. Not without getting me into bed. Not without taking off my clothes and kissing all over me. I mean, he took off some of my clothes, but...
I feel like I gave it up to him so easily, and that scares me. This is a secret I’ve guarded carefully for years. I don’t like anyone to know what happened to Matthew. I don’t like for anyone to know why I’m so upset about losing my brother. It hurts too much. It’s far too painful and the reality is that I don’t think it’s anyone’s business, really, why I miss him.
Not only was he my best friend, but he was my partner in everything. I mean, Matthew and I were super close. He was always there for me, right until the end. I’d be there for him, too.
“What do you mean?” Aaron finally speaks.
“I mean, I’m the reason he was out that night. We were supposed to be hanging out.”
“I remember,” he says carefully. “But I don’t know what that has to do with any of it being your fault. You weren’t in the car. You didn’t distract him from the road. You weren’t in the other car. You didn’t force that person to drive while drinking. How exactly is it your fault?”
“Because I forgot the movie,” I whisper.
I forgot.
I was reckless and stupid, and I forgot.