“It’s not a crime to forget something,?
? Aaron says carefully.
“But it ended up with him dead.”
“It had nothing to do with the movie, sweetie,” he says.
“It feels like it.”
“What if it had been him who stayed home?” Aaron asks.
“What do you mean?”
“If the tables were turned, and Matthew was the one who stayed home while you went out, would you want him to blame yourself for your death?”
I pause because I’m about to say no.
I’m about to say that’s stupid.
I’m about to say a million different things rejecting the idea that anyone could possibly believe Matthew would ever be responsible for me getting hurt, but I see through what Aaron is doing. He’s trying to get me to see that I’m not responsible. He wants me to know that this isn’t my fault. No matter what happened, and no matter what I think I’m responsible for, sometimes shit just happens.
It’s nobody’s fault.
It’s just...
It’s just fucking life.
“I’m not going to answer that,” I whisper.
“You don’t have to,” Aaron says gently. “Sweetie, let’s go eat. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He guides me from the living room to the kitchen. He pulls a chair out for me and helps me sit down. Then he starts preparing the food.
“Something smells good,” I say.
“It’s roast,” he tells me with a grin. He looks over and the smile on his face seriously warms my heart.
“It smells amazing.”
“I learned to cook when I moved away. In college, I pretty much just survived on ramen and beef jerky.”
“Not a bad diet, although I’m curious how a poor college student managed to afford beef jerky.”
“Carefully,” he laughs.
He brings over two glasses of wine, and then he grabs the salad. He plates the roast and brings the plates over. Then he sits down in a chair beside me.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Aaron says, and I smile.
“Yeah, because you got to spank me,” I laugh nervously, trying to take the edge off of how I’m feeling. I reach for the wine glass and sip it, hoping that the alcohol inside will give me a little bit of courage.
That’s what I need right now.
I need fucking courage.
Instantly, Aaron sets his glass down, and he looks at me.