“I’m getting the impression that you’ve never had a serious Dom in your life,” he says. “Is that wrong?”
“Um...”
“Okay, understood,” he says. “So let me tell you something about me, little one: I don’t care if I get to spank you. Topping you, for me, isn’t about punishment. I loved paddling your cute little ass: don’t get me wrong. It was hot as fuck to watch your bottom bounce and turn pink for me. I loved every damn second of it, and I can’t wait to do it again.”
And just like that, my panties are fucking soaked.
“But I didn’t invite you over so that I could spank you, Mallory. I invited you over because you’re fucking incredible, and beautiful, and because I wanted to get to know you: the real you.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “Thank you, for saying that. And yeah, you’re right. I, um, well, I guess I’ve never had a serious relationship, like, ever.”
“How is that possible?” He asks gently. “You’re beautiful, and you’re sweet, and you’re lovely. You’re playful and funny. You’re smart as hell. Why haven’t you pursued anyone?”
Fear.
Fucking fear: plain and simple.
To me, getting close to someone means I might have to say goodbye to them, and I just don’t think my heart can handle being broken again.
Is that so wrong?
Is it terrible that I don’t want to feel that way again?
I lost my brother, and I lost everything. That was just someone I was related to. That wasn’t someone I was madly in love with, or someone I wanted to get married to, or someone I wanted to have a family of my own with. That was just my sibling.
And if I’m so damn broken over losing my big brother, what happens to me if I lose someone I’ve fallen for?
That’s the real question.
That’s the worry I have.
“I think you know the answer,” I say, reaching for my salad fork.
“Humor me.”
“Well,” I say, and I take a bite of the salad. It’s good: fresh and crisp. I’m not much of a salad person, but it’s very tasty. I’m not so clueless that I think he planned this meal by accident, either. He’s hitting all of the major food groups, and there’s a pitcher of ice water on the table. He’s worried about me, and he wants to make sure I’m eating enough healthy food and drinking enough water.
Is it wrong that I think it’s totally and completely sweet?
Because I do.
It’s totally, wonderfully, completely sweet.
“You can’t lose someone if you don’t love them,” I say.
“So you don’t want to get hurt again.”
“Correct.”
“So your solution has been to push everyone away.”
“Again,” I nod, “correct.”
“Interesting plan,” he says. “Albeit a bit naïve.”
“I know that it’s stupid,” I say.
“I didn’t say it was stupid. I said it was naïve. Mallory, losing someone hurts at any age, and in any relationship.”