Kova’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, I saw Katja’s name flash across the screen. He scowled. It was close to midnight, and I wondered what he would tell her.
“I have to go.” He lifted my hips and moved me off him to stand.
I fixed my shirt and crossed my arms under my chest. “What will you tell Katja the reason why you’re so late?”
“She will not question me.”
Perplexed, I asked, “Why not?”
“I will not give her the chance,” he said, his eyes raking leisurely down my body. My nipples hardened and my cheeks flushed in response. Kova adjusted his shaft, causing me to look in that direction. The bulge in his shorts was blatantly obvious. My chest tightened, my jaw slackened. He was hard, he wanted sex. And sex would be with Katja. My heart crumpled at the thought of him having sex with her while thinking of me. I knew it was stupid to feel the way I did, but I couldn’t help it.
I followed him to the door. He turned around with his hand on the knob. Kova looked down at me and brought a hand up to cup my cheek. My eyes closed shut as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
I bit my lip as he swiftly stepped out and left, a warm tear slipped down my cheek. Turning around, I leaned against the door and hugged myself as I slid down and let the tears fall.
It was pitch black when I pulled up to the gym a little earlier than I normally did. My eyes were swollen, and I was mentally and physically exhausted as I put my truck into park. My face was devoid of its usual makeup and my hair wasn’t even brushed today. Climbing out, I grabbed my gym bag from the backseat and shut the door. I slung it over my shoulder and walked into World Cup.
It was eerily quiet this morning. No gymnasts were on the floor, no music was playing, no springboards sounding. Just the scent of chalk and coffee coalesced in the air and the faint sound of papers shuffling as I walked to the locker room and opened my locker door.
I swallowed hard at what was staring me straight in the face on the little shelf. A four pack of coconut water with a Post-It note attached to it, a couple of new bottles of Aloe water, a new package of pre-wrap along with new wristbands, and a little white envelope. Without opening it, I knew it contained the morning after pill.
After Kova left, I climbed into bed and cried myself to sleep. My heart hurt, but the reality of the situation was clear: there would be no more Kova and me. Subconsciously, I knew it would never be more than what it was. It could never work in this lifetime. It was just too dangerous. This was for the best, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with the emotional fallout. I still had to see him on a daily basis. I decided I wouldn’t engage in any small talk with him, I wouldn’t look longingly in his direction, I wouldn’t accept gifts from him, nothing. I’d keep it completely platonic. I had bigger things I needed to worry about and focus on, but my heart was broken.
I was falling for him.
Not love, I didn’t believe in love. Not at my age at least. I was a realist, and at sixteen, you don’t fall in love. It was just not possible. However, I had started to develop feelings for him that crossed the professional level and that worried me.
Yet, seeing his gifts in front of me, gifts I didn’t want to accept, for some reason caused my jaw to tremble and my stomach to flutter. Reaching for the yellow sticky note, I read Kova’s handwriting.
Thought you might want to try this out. Similar to your Aloe water, but in my opinion, better for you.
Of course it was better. Kova knew everything.
I reached for the package, quickly tearing open the cardboard and pulling out a bottle. I uncapped it, brought it to my nose and inhaled. It smelled just like fresh coconuts and my mouth watered. I took a sip, actually liking it more than I expected, and drank nearly half the bottle before I picked up the little envelope and opened it.
Cupping my hand, a little white pill tumbled out into my palm. A pill that reminded me how foolish I had been. My heart began to pump viciously at the sight of it. One tiny pill had the power to irrevocably change a life. I didn’t want to give it any more thought, so without hesitation, I threw the pill into my mouth and said a little prayer. I took a swig of the coconut water and swallowed. I may have been careless, but my future was at stake…as well as Kova’s. No way was I going to jeopardize it in any way, shape, or form.
I crumpled the note in my hand and dropped it into my bag so I could throw it away when I got home. I wasn’t going to be stupid like Kova and risk someone seeing it.
At the end of the day, I came to World Cup for one reason and one reason alone. To train with the best so I could achieve Olympic glory. I wouldn’t allow my focus to deter again. I was going to dive into practice and work harder than ever. Gymnastics has an expiration date. And being that I was steadily getting closer to it, I had a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time. I was going to prove them all wrong, and throw every minute I had into the sport that was the first to steal my heart. Mind, body, and soul. I had everything I needed at the tips of my fingers. There was no reason not to have what I wanted.
Self-doubt kicked in while I undressed. It was like that pesky little gnat that just wouldn’t go away. I questioned whether I had enough time or if it was even possible to make it to The Games like I once thought.
Unfortunately, I knew I had to downgrade some of my skills because of my stupid little injury. But it would be okay. It would only push me to fight harder.
After I shut my locker and locked it, I strode into the gym where Kova was waiting on the floor with a roll of tape in his hand. My heart jumped, reaching for him. My lips a firm, grim line as our eyes locked. He noticeably tensed, his shoulders bunching as a shadow cast over his eyes, shielding his emotions, giving nothing away.
I stayed quiet as I sat on the ground with my injured leg bent. Kova stood before me with a stoic face. While his eyes were unreadable and his movements professional, the facial hair casting a dark shadow on his jaw, and the puffy circles under his eyes gave him away. The smell of his cologne was faint, but enough to entice me to lean in and inhale the scent into my lungs. Spicy and daring, it made me think of what had happened only a handful of hours ago.
We were both quiet as he placed the white athletic tape in specific places on the back of my calf. This time his hands didn’t linger and his fingers didn’t stimulate. The sad part was, I desperately wanted them to.
Once he was finished, he stood and held out a hand to help me up. I couldn’t look at his hand without thinking about where it’d been, what it’d done to me. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I pushed off the ground and stood.
“How does it feel?”
The aching organ in my chest? It hurt like hell.
I rolled my ankle around. “Fine, I guess.”