I panicked, my heart sunk in mid-air, slamming to the ground before I did. A move so simple I’d been doing for years, and because my mind was in a million different places, I messed up royally. I either tapped too early or released too early…or I ducked my head…or I wasn’t fully extended. It could be a number of things, and I had no idea which since my mind and body were not in sync with each other.
Falling face down on my stomach, I kept my arms out and in front of me so I wouldn’t break any bones on the way down. The dumbest thing a gymnast can do is try to break their fall. Hello broken bones and goodbye gymnastics career! At least I had a little common sense left.
A gush of air burst from my lungs as I flopped to the thickly padded blue mat and bounced, chalk flying up around my face. My chest rose and fell heavily as I kissed the mat. My mind ran a million miles a minute trying to figure out how the hell I messed up so badly. While it was a common fall in practice, I was both embarrassed and shocked, and I didn’t want to face all the gawking stares I knew I was getting.
Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and opened my eyes only to see Kova hovering above me. He reached down with an opened palm to help me and I grabbed it, not thinking twice.
“Girls,” he said, looking directly at me, “rotate to the next event. I will be there in a bit.”
A low snicker came from Reagan as she walked past us. I was seriously beginning to fucking hate the air she breathed.
“Get back up on the bar now.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My heart raced, fear exploding through my veins over falling again. To fall so badly and then to get back up and do it again wasn’t easy. Fear was suffocating me.
“I…I think I need a break,” I stammered.
Coach ignored me as he dragged over a tall, solid mat for him to stand on. A spotting block. He dropped it near the metal post and climbed up, looking at me expectantly and waiting.
“Did I give you a choice? You just screwed up on a simple release move. In fact, I have been watching you screw up all afternoon, Adrianna. You are a sloppy mess and it is embarrassing. I guess we are going to have to take it back to basics since you cannot hit simple skills a twelve year old can master. So get up there now and do it again.”
Shaking my head subtly, I slapped some chalk on to my grips and stood in front of the bars. Doing a kip to mount the low bar, I let go and jumped to the high bar.
“Cast to a handstand. Blind change. Jaeger.”
I nodded, rotating my hands so they were considered backwards and my knuckles were against my thighs, a half pirouette. Blindly falling forward was not something I was in the mood to perform after the day I’ve been having, but I took a deep breath and prayed to God I would be able to pull off a Jaeger. Bouncing off the bar with my hips, I cast to a handstand. Coach positioned his hands on my stomach and back, holding me in place, leaving a touch of heat in each fingertip.
“Breathe,” he whispered only for my ears. “Calm down, and focus. You got this.” I nodded, then I was blindly falling forward into another handstand where he gripped me in the same place again. His hold was firm, secure, and overall, confident. It gave me a sense of comfort knowing he’d catch me if I fell.
“Tighten up.” He slapped the back of my thigh lightly. “Squeeze your butt, straighten your legs.”
I squeezed every muscle I could in my body and fell back again to hit another handstand.
“Better. Do it again.”
I did it again.
“Tap harder,” he demanded. “I believe your tap was not hard enough and the reason for your fall.”
“Kova,” I whispered once I was in a handstand. Coming down, I rested my hips on the bar with my arms locked straight. I turned to look at him.
“Do not,” he mumbled.
“We need to talk.”
“Adrianna, if you say another word to me, I will put your body through so much conditioning you will not be able to walk tomorrow.”
My lips parted and his eyes traveled down to them. The five o’clock shadow paired with his emerald eyes was scorching, and when he looked at me with commanding authority, my body blazed. The bite in his tone was a clear warning to stop, so I listened. I didn’t want to push him. It was obvious he wasn’t playing around, clearly past the point of pissed off.
“Now is not the time or place to talk about anything. Be smart, Adrianna. Until then, you will land this skill until it is solid and then you are going home. I do not need you breaking bones on me.”
I nodded. He was right.
“Now let us go. Do the Jaeger. I will spot you.”
Before casting to another damn handstand, I looked at him and whispered, “I’m scared.”
His eyes filled with empathy. “Fear is not a bad thing. It is what keeps you alive and trying. Visualize it and then go for it. Be confident. Push for it. I am right here spotting you, I will not let anything happen. I promise.”