“Well, if it helps, I’m ninety-nine percent positive I broke my hymen on the balance beam, which means in a sense I wasn’t a virgin.” Kova paused, looking baffled, so I continued. “See, it’s actually quite common for a gymnast to break her hymen from a bad fall on the balance beam, and Lord knows I’ve had plenty of falls. It’s probably why I didn’t bleed when we had sex.”
Kova stepped closer. He placed his forearms on the wall near my head, boxing me in. His eyes narrowed and he was seething.
“Are you really going to school me on straddling the beam and hymens? I know all about that. I have been around the gym world longer than you have been alive. Breaking your hymen does not mean you are not a virgin anymore, Adrianna.” Kova dipped his chin and looked deeper into my eyes, fury pouring out of them. “Penetration means you are not a virgin anymore. And while breaking your hymen on beam may be true, I was still your first form of real penetration, and that is fucked up beyond comprehension. I cannot believe you did not tell me.”
My chest deflated.
“How is it fucked up?” I asked dejectedly.
“You should have been honest with me.” He mirrored my tone and for the first time since he found out about my virginity, I actually felt remorseful.
Kova clenched his eyes shut and stepped away. He began pacing my kitchen frantically. The rage and fury he was casting out was thick and dense, hitting me hard and making me nervous. This was the first time I’d seen or felt real anger from him. It was completely different from the times he yelled at me in the gym, and honestly, I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
“I cannot believe how stupid I was. I cannot believe I let myself fuck you, touch you, drown in you,” he mumbled to himself. “I should have never done it.”
I flinched, feeling the reg
ret in his words. “What does it matter, anyway,” I yelled, tired of his constant whiplash. “I wanted it. If you had known, would you have stopped?”
He stopped and looked at me, walking to stand close again. “Yes, I would have,” he said between clenched teeth. “Because you never had a cock inside you before me no matter how you want to look at it, regardless if your hymen was already broken or not. I was still your first and while it never should have happened, it did. I took your innocence. I took your virginity. Why did you not speak up and say anything? I was always honest with you, Adrianna, always.”
I shrugged feeling guilty. “I didn’t know how to say it, and I was afraid you would have stopped.”
He laughed low, manically. “This is so fucked up.”
My heart crumbled. I loved being with Kova. He didn’t push me. If anything, I pushed him.
There was no reason we couldn’t talk about this situation civilly. He was being deliberately cruel and I didn’t like it.
“Kova,” I said softly, trying to calm him down. “You did nothing wrong.”
His eyes locked on mine, forcing me not to move. “Nothing wrong? I sure as hell did not stop you. I hardly even tried. I saw an opening and took it. The moment I said take and you did, there was not a chance in hell I could hold back. I fucked a virgin. Over and over. Adrianna, I licked you, you had multiple orgasms,” he said with horror. “An underage virgin at that. My fucking gymnast! There is a lot wrong with this picture. I could have gone to jail.”
“You could’ve gone to jail before it,” I muttered.
“What did you say?”
I stuttered when he glared at me. “Nothing…” This wasn’t how I planned for this conversation to go.
“You know, this is your fault. I should have stopped your advances. I should have been stronger and turned you away like I did the others in the past. I have never,” he fumed with rage, “been with a gymnast, let alone someone underage. What the fuck was wrong with me?” He questioned himself, pacing back and forth again. Running a hand through his hair, he repeated, “This could cost us everything.”
That gave me an opening. “You were never with any other gymnast? I find that hard to believe with how long you’ve been coaching and how closely you work with them. That can’t be possible.”
He pulled back like I slapped him, disgust written all over his striking face. “Do you think I am some sort of pedophile, Adrianna? No, I have never been with any other gymnast, or underage girl in my life. I never desired to. What the hell makes you think that?”
He stalked toward me. “You actually believe I like young girls?” He revolted at his own question. I shrugged. “Answer me.”
“I don’t know. I guess I don’t see how you couldn’t have.” I shook my head at his question, shrugging it off. “Kova,” I said softly, and placed my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like anyone knows, or will ever know.”
“Don’t touch me.”
My eyelids dropped, and I glared at him. Anger simmered inside me, mounting to the top and ready to explode. He acted as if we had gotten caught. The whole virgin thing really wasn’t a big deal to me, so I didn’t understand why he was so affected by the fact he was my first. I wish he’d just drop it.
“You’re overreacting, and to put all the blame on me is absolute bullshit,” I fought back. “It takes two to tango. I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want.”
The look he pinned me with when he spun around should’ve scared me, but it didn’t. His piercing green eyes were so vibrant and the veins in his neck strained. Deep down, I loved seeing him like this. He was rage and fury rolled into one beautiful package.
“You pursued me! And I let you!” He roared, his eyes racking a heated gaze down my body. His Russian accent was thicker when he was angry.