I thought about his question and was surprised by my answer. "No, I don't."
Kova let out a loud breath and I pulled back to look at him. "What?"
"I thought you would say yes."
"Were you worried?"
"Yes, I was. I did not want to ruin any progress we may have made."
I frowned. "What makes you think we made any?"
He shrugged. "A gut feeling. Little things here and there. You would not have let me touch you had we not. I know there is nothing I can make you do. You are one of the strongest people I know, and I know you will have to come to me on your own. I will just be here waiting for you when that happens."
"I'm still heartbroken by what you did. Don't confuse what we just did for something it's not. I needed a release, and you were convenient."
A shadow came over Kova's eyes. His face drawn, he cleared his throat and averted his gaze, lifting me off him.
He got up and stood stiffly at the side of his bed.
"Go get cl
eaned up. You can use my bathroom or the guest one, whichever you like. Take a hot shower to warm your muscles up, then meet me in the guest room. I will set the table up there."
Before I could respond, he turned and walked away. I frowned, watching his back flex, wondering if he was being cold toward me, or if it was just my imagination.
* * *
Once I rinsed off, I put Kova's shirt on and met him in the guest room. He was on his knees, dressed in only basketball shorts and his baseball hat, opening the massage table box. He’d been telling the truth when he said he hadn’t used it for anyone else. I softened a little inside.
"I hope you don't mind that I'm wearing your shirt. I only have workout clothes with me."
He didn't bother looking up.
"That is fine."
I glanced around, a little excited about getting a massage. "Is there anything you need me to do?"
"No."
"Where do you want me?"
"Wherever you want to be."
I frowned and bunched the hem of his shirt in my fists. "Do you want me to get you water or anything?" I felt stupid asking if he wanted me to get him a drink in his own house, but he was acting strange and I wanted to break the awkwardness. "Tools?"
Tools? I rolled my eyes at myself. Could I be any more embarrassing?
Kova pulled the tape off one side of the box. He turned his head away and reached for a box cutter. The Olympic tattoo on the side of his ribs caught my attention. It contracted and flexed with each of his movements.
"Help yourself to anything you want."
I chewed my lip. My eyes skated nervously across the carpet. I didn't know where to look and decided I'd get some water, even though I wasn't thirsty. I saw a glass with clear liquid on the table next to where he was working, and I had a feeling it was vodka.
He was clearly upset.
"Uh, okay." I walked into his kitchen feeling uncomfortable and began opening random cabinets, looking for a glass. When I found one, I filled it with some tap water, then leaned against the counter and drank it.
I studied the tile floor, staring in a daze, wondering what I had done to cause the swift change in his mood. I didn't think I'd done anything wrong, and I certainly hadn't left him with blue balls. Maybe it was just my imagination.