I placed the glass down and walked back into the guest room. Kova already had all the pieces out and lined up, a few of them already put together. I walked to a white wicker chair next to the window and sat down. I glanced through the sheer white curtain at the bamboo trees outside, then looked back at Kova, who was reading an instruction sheet.
"What's with all the white in these two rooms?"
He didn't respond.
"They're so cold and sterile, like a museum. I was afraid to breathe in them. Same for the bathroom. Does anyone use it?"
He remained silent, not answering any of my questions, so I decided to screw with him.
"Do you need any help?”
"Why did you get the table delivered here instead of the gym?”
"Did you decorate your room?"
"What would you do if I slept with Hayden?"
"Is white Katja's favorite color? Maybe that's why the feel is so different. Hot verses cold. Frigid bitch,” I mumbled under my breath.
He didn't respond or react. Instead, he put the paper down and took a big swig of his drink, then picked up two pieces of steel and started assembling. He ignored my questions, and for some reason that hurt my heart.
I figured the question about Hayden would at least get a reaction. He wasn't listening to a word I had said and that got my head spinning. Now I knew I’d done something to upset him, I just didn’t know what. Or rather, I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I suspected my words had hurt him, but I wasn't sure because Kova had never let my words affect him so much. He'd always been unbreakable. At least that's how it had always seemed.
Something clashed together and I jumped. Kova spat out a long slew of Russian words that caused me to flinch without even knowing what he said. He shot a fleeting look my way and scowled, then picked up two pieces of the table and screwed them together.
"I guess you used up all your English words for the day," I said softly to myself.
Blinking, I turned away and glanced longingly out the window again. That black hollowness I was so used to spread to my chest and throughout my soul once more, taking up residence. God, I hated it so much that it brought tears to my eyes. I took a deep breath and pulled my knees up to my chest and exhaled. The whole point of coming to his home was so I wouldn’t feel alone. But sitting here with this man who always filled every room he walked into with so much energy and color was making me feel more isolated than I'd ever felt before.
* * *
"I'm not wearing underwear," I said, climbing onto the table. I pulled the hem of his shirt down and laid on my stomach. I looked at him over my shoulder.
He grabbed his glass and took a long sip of the clear liquid. I swear his eyes were on my feet.
"It is no matter. I know how to keep it professional when I need to."
My forehead creased so hard I was starting to give myself a headache. I looked away, totally and completely baffled. Coming from Kova, I had no idea what that meant. Professional wasn't a word in our joined vocabulary.
"I will do a blading session since it has been a long while, then I will do a massage."
"Okay," I responded quietly, then focused on the wall.
Kova unraveled his tools and quickly got to work. He applied so much pressure my body clenched as he dragged the tool up the back of my calf, then down. The pressure wasn't unusual, but he usually asked if I was okay. Today, he didn't.
I gripped the sides of the table and ground my teeth together. I rambled off a bunch of questions just to take my mind off the procedure.
"I am trying to focus, Adrianna," was all he said.
I knew he was, but he usually obliged and assisted me in any way he could. Now he wasn't. Kova switched tools and I decided that as soon as he was finished I'd leave. If I was going to feel this alone inside, I could do it at home where I at least could cry about it. I didn’t want to be here with him anymore if he was going to act like a stranger. I didn't like this melancholic cloud hanging over my head. I chewed the inside of my cheek, knowing this session would be over soon. Blading didn't take very long, thankfully.
I exhaled a long breath once he was finished. I didn't move but glanced over my shoulder at Kova putting away the instruments. The blading, while it helped tremendously, took so much energy out of me when I had so little to begin with. My eyes were heavy, and I blinked long and hard.
"I'm really tired. I think I'm going to skip the massage and just go home," I said.
Kova applied a salve to my other calf and began kneading it. "I did not leave the gym early and put this table together for nothing. You will have the massage and then you can leave afterward."
"Uh, okay."