The Mixtape

That alone made me want to vomit. The only way my parents would take my sister back was by believing she’d had a miscarriage? And they believed something so horrific was a sign from God?

What was wrong with those people?

What was wrong with Sammie for telling such a terrible lie?

“Well, now they know Reese exists. So you’ll have to deal with that,” I warned her. “Not that you’re good with dealing with things.”

“You don’t get to scold me,” she started.

“The hell I don’t!” I snapped.

“Watch your language—you’re in a church,” Sammie muttered, sounding a bit too much like Mama.

“Is this all you wanted? To be a carbon copy of Mama? To pretend that things are fine when they aren’t? You abandoned me, Sammie, after I took you in, and you have nothing to say about it? No remorse?”

She parted her lips as her body shivered a little. “It . . . it was in God’s will to end up this way.”

God’s will?

What a fucking cop-out.

I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe the woman who was standing in front of me saying these things. I didn’t know that woman. I didn’t know the girl who stood there speaking the words that she had. My sister wasn’t that person. My sister could never be so cruel and heartless. No . . . the woman in front of me was a product of our parents. They’d shaped her solid during the most traumatic times of her life.

And the sister I knew, the Sammie I loved, was no longer anywhere to be found.

“It’s a sad day when a person needs to use God to cover up their guilt for harsh choices in life,” I muttered, turning away, knowing there wasn’t anything else left for me to say.

As I went to open the door, Sammie called out.

“Emery?”

“Yes?”

I looked back to find a teary-eyed girl staring my way. Her bottom lip trembled as she said, “Please don’t tell anyone about Reese and me. It would ruin my life. I can’t deal with that. I have a new beginning. People can’t know.”

I didn’t say another word to her as I walked out of the building. I’d never tell a soul about what Sammie did all those years ago. But that guilt on Sammie’s heart?

That was something she’d have to deal with for the rest of her life.

My days felt heavy as memories of my trip to see Sammie kept coming up and pounding me with emotions. I did my best to distract myself with spending extra quality time with Reese and coming up with new recipes to try for Oliver. Cooking and my daughter were my two saving graces. Without them both, my mind would’ve run wild.

One afternoon, while I was making a grocery list for the week at Oliver’s, I heard sniffling coming from the pantry.

Alarmed, I headed over quickly, where I found a crying Kelly falling apart, with her palms over her face.

“Oh my gosh, Kelly, what’s wrong?” I asked, rushing to her side and pulling her straight in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, Em.” She sniffled and tried to control her emotions. “I just saw the cereal up there, and it reminded me of a night that Alex and I stayed up late into the night eating cereal, and it’s stupid but it hit me hard, and now . . .” She couldn’t finish her words, because she began sobbing again.

It was the first time I’d witnessed Kelly showing any kind of sadness. Oliver had told me that she and Alex had had a past together and were falling in love, but I’d never brought it up to her, because I figured it was a hard topic to tackle. She always seemed so upbeat and composed, so seeing her crumbling from having a memory come rushing back to her broke my heart.

“I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, I’m fine,” she said, wiping the tears that kept falling.

“You’re not stupid, and you’re not fine. You don’t have to be fine, Kelly. I cannot even imagine what it is you’re going through.”

She looked at me with the most heartbroken stare and shook her head. “You don’t know how awful I feel. I feel so guilty.”

“Guilty? Why?”

She sniffled and covered her face with the palms of her hands. Through her muffled sounds she said, “A man asked me on a date at CycleBar today, and I gave him my number,” she cried. “How could I do that? How could I give another man my number after losing the best man I’ve ever had?”

Oh, Kelly . . .

That moment was a complete realization for me. While I’d been dealing with my own demons, Kelly had been facing hers. I hadn’t even known how deep her scars ran until that very moment. It was then that I realized that everyone had struggles that they tried their best to keep to themselves.