“Um…what is?” Elijah asked as I went inside.
“Dude, if you don’t stop imagining all the positions E can bend into, I’m going to kick your ass.”
“I’m not,” I replied. “Oh, believe me, I used to. Not in a creepy way, but a my-best-friend’s-boyfriend-is-a-hot-ballet-dancer kind of way, but I’m not anymore because I can’t stop thinking about Jameson! Everything goes back to him somehow, and it’s weird, and I hate it. I see a hot guy or a hot girl and do I think, wow, I’d like to bang them? No, no I don’t. I just think about banging Jameson, and I haven’t even done it yet, thank you very much. What even is that? Why am I holding off? This is so fucked up, and it’s both your faults.” I plopped down onto their couch and crossed my arms.
The apartment was quiet for a moment before Elijah and Shaw both busted up laughing. It went on and on, and just when it would slow down and I’d think they were stopping, they’d dissolve into a fit of giggles again. “You both suck. I’m leaving.”
Only I didn’t move. I sat there and pouted.
“Sorry.” Shaw tried to keep a straight face.
“We’re taking this seriously and not laughing at you,” Elijah added, but not very convincingly, I might add.
As if they were a unit, they both walked over, each of them sitting on one side of me. Shaw patted my thigh. “Tell us all about it.”
So I did. Well, as much as I could tell without betraying Jameson’s confidence. I told them we were having a fling and screwing around. I told them how I found out I worked for Jameson’s dad, and I was afraid of losing my job, but I didn’t want to walk away from Jameson either. I told them Jameson had a complicated relationship with Leon and that worried me too because I didn’t want to hurt him. Ended with, “I’m totally crushing on this guy, and I’m not sure what to do about it. We decided to stop the fling, and it made me feel all…I don’t know. Wrong inside. Empty. So I went back, and I was going to tell him I wanted to date him for real, which is scary as fuck, but then he confirmed we’d keep going but it was only a fling that we’d end when the summer did. I had no idea what to do.”
“Wow…this is definitely different,” Elijah said. “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”
Of course he would say that. I looked at Shaw for support. “I obviously can’t do that. You get it, right? What if he doesn’t feel the same? Remember when I was dating Lisa? You saw my pride get bruised when I got dumped, and I wasn’t even crushing on her. How much worse would it be if it was Jameson?”
“I can’t believe you’re asking his advice. You do realize how he almost blew it with me? I believe you helped talk sense into him,” Elijah countered, and I had to admit, he had a point.
“Hey! I would have come around without Will’s help,” Shaw replied. “This is what I do. I give love advice.”
I had no idea what that meant, but I took issue with the L word. “Wait a minute here. No one said anything about love. I’m feelin’ him. That’s all. Slow your roll there, buddy.”
“Oh God. Both of you are ridiculous. I thought it was just Shaw. You’re both emotionally stunted.”
“Hey! I’m not anymore,” Shaw told Elijah before turning to me. “Hate to break it to you, but E is right. Tell him how you feel. Also, can I be there when you do? If you’d rather be alone, I can just set up a camera. I don’t want to miss it.”
I flipped him off. “I hate you.”
“Come on. You were enjoying the shit out of it when I fell in love with Elijah.”
“Dude. Can you stop saying I love him? It’s making me itchy.” But really it wasn’t. It made me feel all…fuck, gooey inside, like I was a damn chocolate-chip cookie getting pulled out of the oven. What in the world was Jameson doing to me?
I didn’t love him.
I liked him.
I liked him a lot.
Oh God. What if I ended up falling in love with him and he didn’t feel the same?
“I can’t do this. Nope. I’m going to turn off my emotions before something ridiculous happens. I’m going to have a fling with him, and then I’m going to walk away and spend the next couple of years of my life happily having fun with as many men and women as possible until I’m like…thirty. It’s weird to fall in love before that. Sorry, but you’re both weird.”
Elijah rolled his eyes.
Shaw shrugged. “That’s what I thought with E in the beginning, and pretty soon you’ll realize you’re already in too deep. God, this is going to be so much fucking fun.”