‘Theories are all very well. Practice is what counts.’
‘I know that. Now that you’re here on a plate, though, I have the strongest feeling that I could walk away without a second thought. I’m almost bored by the thought of fucking you.’
This fires him up. His eyes narrow and he grabs a wrist. ‘Bored? Oh, you won’t be bored. I can promise you that.’
The pressure of his hand on me lifts away the tension. My fight or flight response has picked fight, and my blood pumps accordingly.
He leans down to my ear and speaks into it in that low, deadly voice that used to fill my dreams. ‘When we worked together … tell me the fantasies you had about me. What did I do to you?’
‘They changed over time.’
‘How did they start out?’
‘I’ll tell you if you’re honest with me.’
The muscles in his cheek twitch. He’s not keen on the concept of honesty.
‘Honest with you about what?’
‘About your time at the hotel. And about what you thought of me.’
‘A truth game? You might wish you’d picked dare.’
‘As I understand it, we’re doing both.’
He considers this. ‘I accept your terms. But you go first.’
‘OK. You don’t get to lie or cheat or squirm your way out of the deal, though. Or I’ll rat on you to Lloyd, who clearly Knows Too Much.’
Chase humphs and shrugs. ‘Do you want me to undress?’ he says.
‘No. Keep your suit on. It’s kind of relevant. Cuff links and all. Are you sitting comfortably?’
‘Almost.’
My eyes follow his down to the incipient erection straining against his suit trousers. ‘Comfortably enough,’ I amend. ‘Then I’ll begin. A long time ago in a galaxy pretty close to here, there lived a girl without a father. I hate to say it now, because I’ve always denied it to myself and to others, but that’s why I wanted you. You’re older than me, and you have an air of authority about you, and you were completely untouchable and unwinnable. I must have thought that if I could get you, somehow, then I would have what I’d been missing in my life.’
‘God, how depressing. I have no desire to be anyone’s father.’
‘No, just as well, because you’d be a shit one.’
‘Thanks.’ He smiles. ‘Can we get to the fantasy now?’
‘I fantasised about having your approval. Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Just a bit of positive attention. It wasn’t as if that was lacking in my life – all those men, all the time. But they weren’t special. Easy come, easy go, and I knew at bottom that they didn’t approve of me, just the ready availability of my cunt. Our relationship was different.’
‘Our relationship?’
‘I know it was employer/employee, but there was respect and a rapport between us. Wasn’t there?’
‘I liked you. You were easy to work with, and eager to please.’
‘I know.’ I wince. So eager to please. It was pathetic. ‘I think you knew that there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do, to impress you, to get a pat on the head and a few words of casual praise. My fantasy was about things going further than that. At first, it was about rewards.’
‘So … an outline?’
‘Here’s an example of something I used to masturbate to.’
He puts a hand down to his crotch, loosening his buttons, and settles in for the tale, laying his long arm along the headboard, behind me. ‘Yes?’