His words shattered my resolve. I had been determined to put friendship first, but he made it ridiculously hard.
‘Tilda will get over it,’ he said firmly.
‘She’ll get over you,’ I said. ‘But I don’t think she’ll get over me choosing you over her. Why would she? She’s been a lifeline to me in my first few months at the Clarion, while all you’ve done is waltzed up and got me into bed a few times. She’s earned my friendship, whereas you…’
‘Right,’ he said. ‘You owe me nothing. I get it.’
‘That’s not what I mean,’ I insisted, but he was on his feet, looking for the whisk
y bottle for a refill.
‘I know what you mean,’ he said. ‘Go on, then. Run after her and tell her she’s won.’
‘It’s not a war!’
‘No,’ he said, pouring the whisky. ‘But perhaps it’s a game.’
‘Oh, that’s rich, coming from the biggest player in town.’
He turned round, and he looked tireder and older than his usual effervescent self.
‘So Tilda gets the revenge she’s always wanted,’ he said. ‘And you’re the instrument she uses. If that’s not a game, what is?’
‘Tilda isn’t…oh, for God’s sake, take some responsibility,’ I snapped. ‘People have feelings, Tom. Can’t you try and respect that?’
‘I have feelings,’ he replied, striding rapidly towards me. ‘For you. Didn’t you have any idea?’
I shook my head, swallowing. ‘No,’ I said. ‘I never did. You know I’m useless at reading the signs.’
‘Well, let me give you more than signs, then. Let me tell you straight out. I want you, Ella. I don’t want you to go. I’ve never met somebody I could be so completely myself with, and I don’t think you have either. Please don’t give this up for the sake of Tilda playing dog in the manger. Please!’
The lump in my throat was painful now, my eyes prickling along with it. The decision was too big. There was nothing I could do but run away from it.
I shook my head, gasped, ‘I’m sorry…I can’t,’ and fled.
Chapter Nine
I’d been lucky to get a taxi right outside the apartment complex. I was less lucky to walk into my home and find both my flatmates up, tending to a snotty, sobbing Tilda in the living room.
The daggers I got on entering would have struck a lesser woman dead.
‘So you didn’t go back to his place then?’ said Jess disdainfully. ‘I suppose that’s something.’
‘I can’t believe you did it,’ added Mehra. ‘With him. After all he put you through before.’
‘Hold on a minute,’ I said, stung to my own defence. ‘I haven’t committed a crime here.’
‘Crime against friendship,’ sniffed Tilda.
‘How many times? I didn’t know you were still shagging him!’
‘Neither did we,’ said Jess, this point hitting home. ‘We’d have staged an intervention if we had. That man’s an addiction, as far as you’re concerned.’
Tilda sobbed again. ‘I know I’m weak,’ she said. ‘I know.’
‘You’re not weak,’ said Mehra firmly. ‘You’re the strongest woman I know. Everyone at the Clarion knows not to mess with you.’
‘Except me,’ said Tilda. ‘I mess with myself. I knew I shouldn’t go near him…I knew he would just break my heart all over again…’